DavidNProgress

Lucky 13!

2011-12-23T12:04:00.000-08:00

12/24 is my 13th anniversary since completing my final cancer treatment. Those days seem so long ago and at the same time are completely etched into who I am. Every year at this time I think of the blessing that is my wonderful life. I am thankful for my continued good health, the joy of my family, the amazing Scouts, my job and most of all the love of my Lord. Once again I hope to honor this time by making the most of it every day.

I hope you too will pause at some point over the next few days imagine your life as it really is. It is life worth living with gusto and passion. It is a life that should be filled with laughter, love and adventure. Most of all, it is a life that should be dedicated to being a positive servant to those around you.

We only get one chance to impact this world and I hope your life however long makes a difference!

Merry Christmas!

Dear 16 year old me.....

2011-12-16T11:26:00.000-08:00

An amazing and powerful video about melanoma. I was one of those with the less than 10% chance of survival and here I am living the thriving 13 years later. I count December 24th as my cancer free anniversary as that was the last day of my final radiation treatment. It is wonderful in many ways to have this important milestone on such an important day.

Those days seem so long ago and yet remain so very vivid in my mind and a part of who I am.

Please share the video with someone you love. Maybe it will help save a life!

The attitude epidemic....

2011-12-13T06:12:00.000-08:00

“The world is what we think it is. If we can change our thoughts we can change the world” H.M. Tomlison

A funny thing about attitudes is that they are as contagious as colds. We truly tend to catch whichever ones we surround ourselves with most. No one is immune.

I have often found myself in a circle of negativity fully participating in the downtrodden conversation about how terrible this or that or him or she is. Soon thereafter upon reflection, I often end up feeling a genuine sense of shame that I chose to take part and more importantly chose to enable.

There was a day during my chemotherapy that served as perhaps the best reminder. I was sitting quietly in the waiting room before the start of my treatments when the nurse came in to get the gentleman sitting next to me. This guy was in obvious pain and poor health. The nurse asked, “How are you today?” Without missing a beat he replied, “Wonderful! My eyes opened this morning and the Lord has blessed me with another day”

How great it would be if we could all see our lives this way? What if we could just jump out of bed every morning praising God for the new opportunity to honor Him through our actions and our thoughts? What if we could just move forward with positive passion through every challenge? How different life would be as a result of a change as simple as how we look at the world.

These questions have challenged me today and forced me to look deep into my heart. I hope the same for you. I am praying today that we can and some small way be sick on attitude together. Who knows, you just might start an epidemic

Storms are a comin'

2011-11-29T12:56:00.000-08:00

Seems like this last year I have done a pretty poor job of keeping up to post regularly here. Call it distractions, general busyness or perhaps just a lack of inspiration.

It seems so easy to get caught up in the malaise of life’s routine. While in a crises or nearing the completion of some great objective motivation abounds but in times of plenty it can be hard to move forward and easy to slow down.

The hardest of times for me are when things are going well. That is when it is easy to forget to take time to be alone with God. That is when it is easy to take time to forget to tell loved ones how much I care. That is when it is easy for me to skip the gym or have that extra piece of pie. These little things in the end add up to a time of greatest danger. After all, life is a series of storms and the good times are simply an eye before the next one.

Therefore I am mostly writing to myself today as a simple reminder to stay strong and to stay steadfast.

If you are in a time of passivity I would like to challenge you to rattle the bars and break through to a new goal. Now is the time to buy the rain gear for surely a storm is coming.

I am the problem

2011-10-26T06:28:00.000-07:00

My son had his challenge day experience at PC North recently and the other day I asked him a question out of curiosity and his answer was as powerful as it was challenging.

Dad, “So how was your Challenge Day?”

Son, “Good”

Dad, “Curiosity question for you…It seems every time a teen really opens up to me about the pain he or she is experiencing the root of it all seems to always go back to the parents. Usually it is the conversation flows about divorce, money arguments, lack of love and more. What were the pain points in your group?”

Son—“Same”

“I bet it makes you sad that your generation is causing all of these troubles huh?”

Wow now that hit me in the gut for sure!

Yes son it does make me sad and you will recall from my Ignite OKC talk last year it also makes me angry.

Parents wake up! We are very much a part of the problem and it is time to take a hard look in the mirror and take a personal assessment of who we are as parents.

Are you being courageous in your conversations with your children? Do you love your spouse as you would hope for your child to be loved someday? Are you balancing your desire to be liked by your child with your responsibility to also teach through boundaries? Do you take time to just listen to your child openly and without judgment?

Personally I fail to be the dad, mentor and change agent I want to be often but I am striving to be as God has intended me to be.

My hope is that you too will take some time this week to look deeply within yourself and ask, “Am I the trouble” If so, now is the time to make changes.

What about you? What changes have you made in your parenting?

Kids grown? What advice would you give based on your past?

Challenge Day 2011

2011-10-03T06:56:00.000-07:00

A couple of weeks ago I had the blessing to participate in the Putnam City West High School challenge day. Challenge day is an amazing program that the Putnam City Schools Foundation brings to all High School Freshman at a considerable expense. This program is made possible through generous donations from individuals and businesses from the area community. I can say with full passion that it is worth every penny. I have no doubt that at the very least it helps kids with the transition to high school. I also have no doubt that the program also saves lives of youth through the positive and healing message it brings.

One look into the tear filled eyes of a teen that has just opened up perhaps for the first time about the pain he/she is experiencing and you would fully understand. It has never been easy to be a teen in our world and now the pressures go well beyond what many of us adults have ever faced or will ever understand.

There are of course the big things you would stereotype for a large urban high school. Drugs, gangs, bullying and racial tension are there. Underneath all of this there is also a deep level of fear for the future and anger at the present. The norm for many if not most of these kids is a single or blended parent home. Many of them also find themselves often as an afterthought as parents struggle to pay bills and work long hours. As a result, childhood slips away and their hearts seek other ways to find love, confidence and validity as a person. The result of this seeking can often be devastating and begin another generational cycle of failure.

But there is hope! Programs like challenge day help open the eyes of teens and for some begin a healing process that would not have taken place otherwise. By the end of the day you see kids that may have never spoken to each other before hugging and committing to be open and caring. The mountain top moment in my group was when a young lady said to another, “I always thought your life was perfect and you had no problems. Now I know really deep inside we are the same.” Powerful

My son is a Freshman and PC North and will have the opportunity for his Challenge Day experience later this month. I am thankful for his opportunity for this experience and I am thankful for the Putnam City Schools Foundation and their generous donors for making it possible.

Can't buy me love...but you can buy me a new car

2011-08-23T05:14:00.000-07:00

My son recently turned 14 which means he is just a very short time away from him being car eligible. My first car was a 1974 Pontiac Ventura that I paid $400 for and then had painted a beautiful metallic blue. (see picture). Really it was a piece of junk and given my non-existent mechanical skills I was certainly no help to make it better but the car did do the job to get me from A to B. The good news also was that it was so bad I did not have to worry about spending extra gas to drive friends around.

Now with the son just a couple of years from car age the dilemma of how to handle this is very much on the family radar. A car payment, $3.50+ a gallon gas and outrageous car insurance has the potential to be a tremendous burden especially with college tuition on the way soon too.

Just the other day I saw a picture of a friend of mine’s daughter standing next to a beautiful brand new Dodge Charger and it got me to thinking about the pros and cons of how a car at 16 is handled by parents. Our son knows and has known for years there is no chance he will get a new car at 16. It is not economically viable for us even if we want to do so and if it can’t be paid for in cash it is out of the question.

I posted a question about this topic on Twitter recently to get some feedback. “Is it wrong to get a new car for a kid on 16th Bday? What do you think?"

Here are some of the responses:

@signs2uOK It’s not wrong if you are trying to compensate for not having a relationship with them, otherwise YES

@megancox I got a new car. Not on my 16th but after & yes my parents now seem crazy for doing that.We lived far outside of town so me having a car helped with driving to practices but I don’t think a new car was wise. I never wrecked though. Ha!

@okcblueyes I think it is wrong in so many ways

@Donaldohse Very wrong. Kid will just abuse it cause they don’t know what it is worth

@sparrowApril for sure, they won’t appreciate if start with a new car. My 1st car 2 years younger than me, 2nd care 2 years older w/AC

@tkmuskrat yup. I won’t be doing that for my kids and I got a beater for my first car. LOL

@ScouterKWC we did what our parents did. Get a part time job, pay for it yourself. They learn a lot of valuable life lessons that way.

@nf8m no one-size-fits-all but in general, what’s given isn’t valued as much as what is earned

@okcholloway huge waste of money. Sign of trying to buy happiness for your child to me. They won’t appreciate it as much as having to work for it.

@okcscouterhurtt a kid’s first car should be at least as old as his or her parent

@cgorshing so much wrongness—don’t know where to start

@_nichole My parents wanted us to have cars…made their lives easier. Not nice cars but safe affordable cars. That being said…I didn’t get a car until I had a parking spot at school which was 6 months later.

This is a great parenting topic for sure. I had a clunker but I also had friends with brand new cars. My concerns with a new car are twofold. Will a 16 appreciate the actual value of the car if she or he had little or no effort to obtain it? Are parents creating an additional family debt burden through the purchase when perhaps the money should be funneled to retirement, debt reduction or college?

Every family has a different point of personal reference when it comes to this topic and of course individual economic situations also play a factor as well as the maturity of the teen.

So….What are your thoughts? Is it wrong to get a new car for a kid on 16th Bday? What do you think?

What parameters do you think parents should set to determine teen car ownership?

Leave a comment here and share your opinion. I would love to see a bit of pro/con debate and I know others will learn from what you have to say.

A letter to Conner

2011-08-19T05:29:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was the first day of high school for Conner and he turns 14 today. It just amazes me to think that we are now parents of high school kid. It really seems like yesterday when Michelle and I were changing diapers and taking turns with late night feedings. Now we take turns as a shuttle service from activity to activity and the late night feedings are more along the lines of trips to Peachwave. We know that soon even that will end with a car or at least buddies with cars.

Our journey through parenthood has been an incredible one and we honestly could not have asked for a better child. God has truly blessed our family.

Son—These next few years are going to be an amazing time for you. Our prayer as your mom and dad is that you will live a life of boldness. A life founded on a steadfast belief in Christ, in yourself, in serving others, in hard work, in education and in personal honor.

You will question who you are and you will be faced with many pressures you have not experienced before these next several years. I know there will be times when you will have doubts. I know there will be times when your heart will break. I know there will be times when you will fail. This is all okay and is to be expected.

I also know that God has an incredible plan for you that he decided well before the earth even formed. Now is the start of your time! It is your chance to fully step out into the man you want to be. The kind of man that does what is right even when it may hurt and the kind of man that has respect for others even when they may seem so different from you. You can be bold by not being afraid to take risks and by choosing your own path. We challenge you to be a positive influence on the world around you and always strive to give your best everyday.

No matter what these years bring you can count on the fact that your God and your family will be here for you through thick and thin.

We are proud to be your parents and are thankful for the joy you bring to our lives.

Love—Mom & Dad

Sacrifice

2011-08-07T11:16:00.000-07:00

Sacrifice

This week Oklahoma lost four of our sons in Afgahnistan. No I did not know any of these soldiers but looking at their pictures in the paper in uniform next to the American flag I became overwhelmed with a real sense of sadness. Sadness for the families forever changed and in a way for our country in general.

While these incredible men and women are giving their lives for us daily we sit in our comfortable little worlds mostly oblivious. Meanwhile our "representatives" swap our futures away in exchange for petty self interest on both sides.

It seems the majority of us have never lived the word. We don't know what it means to forget the self and feel some real personal pain for the other.

I used to think I knew sacrifice. I live below my means, I give my time as a volunteer and give a buck or two now and then. In reality though I have sacrificed little in my life and I bet most of you ride that same bus with me.

Together let's:
Put away the credit card and stick some cash in the bank
Put down the phone and see what it like to be fully present with another
Turn off the TV and step into the community to serve
Give of ourselves with no regard to personal comfort
Put aside petty politics and make the hard decisions

This list could go on and on. The bottom line there is more to be done.

Thank you Sgt Anthony Del Mar Peterson, Staff Sgt. Kirk Avery Ownen, 2nd Lt. Jared Ewy and SPC Augustus J. Vicari for giving the ultimate sacrifice for something you believed in and for us. May we be in even the slightest bit worthy of what you have done so that we can be free.

Rough road ahead

2011-07-15T13:05:00.000-07:00

Wouldn’t it be great if God placed little signs along our life road to let us know when trouble was on the way? This would give us the opportunity to slow down, take a different route or on some days just not get out at all. The truth is that in reality there is always rough road ahead. Life is hard and there is just no getting around that fact.
My lack of blogging these last few months is due in many ways to a season of roughness recently. I would be less than honest if I did not admit that it has been a challenging time in many ways. The loss of my mother law, family pet, a job responsibility change and few other things have all combined at once to lead me back to a white flag time of life.

Some people I know in these times fall apart and seek answers to the whys or perhaps lash out against family, friends or God in desperate attempts to restore balance and discover answers. It can be as simple as drama filled tirades or perhaps destructive personal actions with overeating, depression or worse.

I am lucky. First I have a long memory. No matter what I face today, it is no match for the things I have overcome in the past. Second, I have a short memory. Yesterday may have been hard but that is yesterday. Today I know is a new opportunity to start over and make the best of things. Third, I know who I am. My values, life purpose and personal vision are defined so that in times when feeling lost I can focus on these things and get back on a path of peace. Fourth I am loved. After 15 years of marriage and despite the silly things I do when stressed (lost keys, cranky attitude, forgetfulness, selfishness) my wife and family seem to always be there with encouragement. They do not give up on me.

Finally, and most importantly I have faith. Good times or bad I know that the Lord is here with me at every turn and every slip to say “Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself” (Mattew 6:34)

I hope that you have a personal foundation as well to be prepared when things get rough. If not, now is the time to get ready!

Middle School is over

2011-05-25T05:43:00.000-07:00

Conner completed middle school this week and soon he will be in high school. It is a well-worn cliché to say “they grow up so fast” but indeed it is true. In the grand scheme of my overall life the years we have with our son living with us are so incredibly limited. This home time is made even shorter with the ever busy schedule of a teenage boy and a dad working the grind of a busy career.

Funny thing, just last week I spoke to a group about finding success through managing priorities versus time and here I am struggling to do the same myself. I think it in reality takes daily effort and the openness to realize that everything in life is a season. Sometimes in the midst of all the madness we need to pause and see where time is going and where we are placing our priorities.

I know that in these next four years Conner will take the steps to fully head down the path of being a man. I also know that this is the time that we as parents will need to step more and more back and begin to fully let him find his own way. We will be there in the boundaries of his life with proactive advice and of course the occasional “I told you so”.

In our father-son relationship these four years also represent a critical point in time. We will in a way grow closer through the process of growing apart. It is my prayer that God will provide me with the wisdom and the courage I will need to be there for Conner. I want to be there not as is his friend but instead truly as his earthly father.

So bring it on high school! Hand in hand, heart to heart and with the Lord guiding us I know Michelle, Conner and I are in for a fantastic Journey.

My IgniteOKC 3 Experience

2011-03-11T09:05:00.000-08:00

“I always knew I had my father’s love. What I really wanted though was his time”

This was one of the more powerful comments I heard from an audience member after my Igniteokc 3 talk recently.

Ignite is an amazing grass roots event where everyday folks are given the opportunity to speak on a topic with just 5 minutes and 20 slides that move automatically. Topics are as diverse as the speakers and range from how to’s to important social issues.

All the speakers this year did a fantastic job and showed great courage to jump out and speak. Thankfully the crowd was friendly and the atmosphere electrifying.

The talk I submitted was based on a recent blog post of mine that I felt a particular passion about and had received a tremendous amount of positive feedback.

Clearly based on the reaction this topic struck a chord and I am so thankful to IgniteOKC and the those involved in the selection process for picking my topic.

I hope you will watch and share the talk with a dad you love. We need to all understand the the incredible gift of parenting and strive to do our best no matter how far we fail or how hard it may seem.

A Happy Valentine's

2011-02-15T08:55:00.000-08:00

Yesterday was Valentine’s Day and as usual I rounded up some goodies for the Mrs. including dark chocolate and a sweet card. My son and I joined together on our expedition of love two weeks ago.

This was a teachable moment about some Valentine giving rules. Number one of course being:

1. Don’t be lame!

It cracks me up every year to see the panicked men at the drug or grocery store the evening of the 14th pilfering through the leftovers for a card that will give a slight glimpse into the heart of love he has for his sweetie.

The lesson for the son was to be sure and plan for the big day well in advance to ensure the only the best card and best candies make the cut.

My wife of course believes the same as is evidenced by the wonderful card she chose. Clearly given that I had picked out the very same card for her we are two brilliant masters of love that are just meant to be together.

Later that evening came the greatest gift of all when our 13 year old son in his prayers thanked the Lord for having parents that love each other.

Teaching our sons about how to be loving husbands as well as hopeless romantics through even goofy and by chance examples are indeed a great gift.

When was the last time you told your wife how much you love her within ear shot of your children?

When was the last time you prayed in front of your child and thanked God for giving you such a wonderful and beautiful wife?

What are some other ways we can pursue our wife’s as a positive example? I would like to hear your ideas too. (so I can steal them of course)

Bad dads piss me off

2011-01-28T05:27:00.000-08:00

There I said it.

My father died when I was very young shortly after my mother and father had divorced. As hard as I have tried, I have no memories of my father and I do not recall my mother ever sharing stories with me as a child about the kind of man he was.

One of the very few pictures
of me with my dad.
That is my back

Growing up a fatherless boy in a single parent household had a tremendous impact on my youth. It did not help that I was overweight, awkward and very shy. Not having a father became a focus to everything I perceived as wrong in my life. I just knew if I had a dad around he would be teaching me everything I wanted to be and was not. I would know how to be athletic, fix things, be thin, talk to girls, be smart, make friends, and more. Eventually when I was in 8th grade my mother remarried but unfortunately the man that became my stepfather and I never connected.

Fast forward to August 19th 1997. On this day I became a father. I will admit that I was terrified about being a dad to a son. What kind of dad would I be given that I had no positive example to follow? The moment when I held him in my arms the first time all my fear went away and I committed to do everything I could to be the dad to Conner that I had fantasized for my own as a child.

Fast forward to May of 1998. That was the moment when I learned I had cancer and my chances of living beyond even a few months were very slim. Suddenly the prospect of a fatherless childhood became a reality for my own son. Would he now have to suffer through the same kind of childhood that was my memory?

Now here is the pissed off part---

With this background, it breaks my heart to see dads that do not appreciate the awesome responsibility and joy of fatherhood. Dads that neglect their child through lack of time with them or lack of effort need to realize what they are doing. They are impacting a child that could carry this pain forward to future generations. The truth is that most boys will grow to father the only way they know how through your example.

I am fortunate that my past experience created a passion to help mentor boys through Scouting and to encourage dads any way I can.

Now is your time to change or to help another dad discover the best in himself. I have made in the past and will make in the future many mistakes as a father. However, to my core I will never stop learning and trying to be the best father I can possibly be.

Dads---you too can reach your fathering potential. Learn, grow and strive to be more.

Don’t piss me off

I love Mondays

2011-01-24T06:45:00.000-08:00

I have a confession. I love Mondays.

What? Yes I know most people hate Mondays and comments putting down the day are quite common. Of course there are those “back to the salt mine” and other references to the drudgery of another work week that we hear often on this day.

Here’s the deal. I see every Monday as a little Jan 1st. It is an opportunity to start fresh and step into week of new goals and promises. The mistakes and missteps of last week are gone and my life is once again a blank page. What will I accomplish this week? What meetings to I need to plan? What performance at work do I need to impact? How many miles does my training schedule say I need to run? What is my nutrition plan to be healthy? What steps can I take this week to honor God?

These are just a few questions I find myself asking every Monday morning.

I choose to live for the weekends AND I choose to live for Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday as well.

Face it. The majority of our lives take place during the in-betweens. I will not waste these days with complaints or just getting by until Friday does arrive.

I hope you too will take a moment to look at Monday with fresh eyes and attitude!

Are you an “I hate Mondays person”?

If not, what are some things you do to start the week excited?

Going for Great

2011-01-10T12:25:00.000-08:00

“If you keep doing what you have always done you will keep getting what you have always got”

This is one of the most powerful statements I have ever heard and I posted it up as a theme as I wrote my 2011 goals.

I think one of the greatest dangers in life is success as it can lead to complacency. You reach that weight loss goal, stop eating right and soon the weight starts to creep back on. You finish the marathon and the post run workout break soon becomes months of inactivity. You finally get that job you dreamed and worked so hard for and then stop learning and growing. I have seen this in my own life many times.

Good is indeed the enemy of great.

I am planning to get radical in 2011. I do not want to be comfortable and content. I want and plan to seek the pain of challenge and of risk.

What about you?
If you have not taken a deep personal assessment of what you are going to do differently do it now and post it somewhere that will drive you forward. Step out this year and stop doing what you have always done.

God did not make you to be simply good. I believe He made you to be great and to make a real difference during this very short time you are on this earth. A difference for him through your talents and your passion.

Don’t just be good---be great!

What is one challenge you plan in 2011?

Getting healthy thanks to Android and my HTC EVO from Sprint

2011-01-05T06:35:00.000-08:00

Like many of you I am using the New Year as an opportunity to refocus on my health and shed the pounds I picked up thanks to all the yummy holiday food over the previous two months. This year I have a new arsenal of weapons in my war against girth thanks to my wonderful HTC EVO and the Android market.

The key to losing weight I have found over the years is not to diet but instead focus on healthy eating habits and to make in an all in family lifestyle choice. Diets simply do not work because they are temporary and mentally indicate you are “on a program”. Programs have a beginning and an ending vs. a lifestyle which is simply ongoing.

Losing weight through a life style change then becomes easy and simple. Keys for me have been:

• No fried foods

• No sodas—Including diet

• Minimal processed foods and sugar

• No snacks after 8PM

• Four small meals a day

• Focus on fresh fruits and vegetables

• Lower intensity cardio over a longer period of time

• Weight lifting

• Still enjoying pizza and other “bad food” gilt free from time to time

It is simple math really. You should take in less calories than you are burning during the day. I could go into the points above in great detail but that is not why you are reading this : )

So how do you figure the math? Thankfully there is an awesome free app for that called Calorie Counter. This app links you to fatsecret.com and will sync all your data inputs.

The app has a food diary for entering your caloric and nutritional intake, exercise diary for tracking your calories burned, diet calendar for an overview of your progress and a weight training to graph how well you are doing.

Almost every food you might encounter can be found in the database to make tracking a breeze. It even has really cool bar code scanning embedded for you to easily do uploads.

With all this help at your fingertip there should be no excuse for a healthy 2011!

Have you tried this app?

What other healthy lifestyle tools have you found that are device friendly?

What is your big health goal for 2011?

Twelve years!

2010-12-21T06:28:00.000-08:00

Twelve years would seem to be a long time. For me, it feels as if it were just yesterday in many ways. It was twelve years ago on the 24th that I completed my final radiation treatment after several months of battling cancer. My journey started with a lump and then moved on with surgeries, chemotherapy, radiation, prayer, tears, fear and hope. (not necessarily in that order) Being a cancer survivor is very much part of who I am as a person.

I will not rehash my story since I wrote extensively about it last year. I simply want to thank the Lord for continuing to bless me with this wonderful life. Quite honestly I still struggle at times to understand why I was chosen to be healed and to beat the statistics.

The life we have is an incredible gift and cancer survivor or not we should all live as if it could be taken away at any moment.

Would you live your life any differently if you knew you were terminal? Fact is we all are but just don’t know the date. Make the most of the gifts you have NOW and don’t live a life of regrets. Too many people wait until they know they are dying before they start living.

“Lord, remind me how brief my time on earth will be. Remind me that my days are numbered, and that my life is fleeing away. My life is no longer than the width of my hand. An entire lifetime is just a moment to you; human existence is but a breath.” Psalm 39: 4-5

If you really knew me...

2010-12-10T09:02:00.000-08:00

Most men lead lives of quiet desperation and go to the grave with the song still in them.

Henry David Thoreau

If you really knew me…..

This is the most well-known line from the Challenge Day program thanks to the MTV program of the same title. The students do not walk into the room and then suddenly just open up to tell the world their inner fears, hidden dreams and personal battles. The statement only begins after several hours of skillful door opening by the Challenge day team.

I saw these doors open with the students in my “family” group as we moved through the day. They opened their hearts and soon were sharing challenges as well as support for each other. For the sake of the promised confidentiality, I will not write about who I was with or what was said. What I will say is that I know their attitude about teenage life was different by the end of the day. The common theme was. “I did not know so many others had these same issues.” “Now I don’t feel so alone.”

As adults facilitators, we fully participated in the program including crossing the line and completing the “if you really knew me” statement.

What did I share? I told that kids that if you really knew me, they would know that as an adult and parent I often live my life in fear too. Fear of losing my job due to the poor economy. Fear of failing as a parent. Fear of failing as husband. Fear of feeling the lump again as I did that morning 12 years ago. Fear of not fulfilling the positive destiny God intends for my life and on and on.

My point with this openness was to let them know we all have our doubts and sometimes parents let these fears create unhealthy behaviors through overwork, avoidance, harshness, withdrawal, conflict and more.

Seeing that even the 43 year old stranger sitting here was not all that different or in fact perfect seemed to connect with them.

I think the Thoreau quote discribes most of us. The fact that is you too are not alone.

If brave enough to release your song even you may find yourself in the midst of a joyous chorus of love and healing soon thereafter. It all starts with that first note!

If I only knew you what would you say?

Taking the Challenge

2010-11-30T19:12:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I had the wonderful opportunity to serve as a volunteer facilitator for the Putnam City North Challenge day which was sponsored by the Putnam City Schools Foundation The Challenge day program has been around for more than 20 years and recently became even more well known thanks to a feature program on MTV of a visit to PC West. The target audience for this amazing day was the freshman class which is one of the largest to attend PC North in several years.

It is hard to be a kid these days. This is something I am well aware of as a person that does a lot of work with youth. Having seen the show and spoken to a previous Challenge Days volunteer, I had a pretty good idea of how the day would go and the questions that would be presented. My initial guess was that most of the kids would have seen the MTV show and as a result would also have known what to expect. It turns out that I was still surprised of the result of the day. My surprise I would say was not near as great as that of the kids that were part of this day.

I was assigned to a group of five and was nervous about how we would connect. Looking into their eyes, I saw the potential of who they could be and at the same time felt deeply the pain of who they were (or at least thought they were). By the end of the day four of the five were in tears and expressed much about the challenges they were facing. I heard stories about broken relationships, broken hearts and broken dreams.

I could go on and on about the courage and first steps of change I saw but will save that for a later post. What I want to express for you today is the incredible opportunity we have to make a difference for these kids. Now is the time to look in the mirror and truly ask yourself what kind of parent and example you are being for your child. Are you doing all you can to support them? Do you love your spouse as you would hope your child would be loved someday? Are you as close to God as you would hope for them? When was the last time you asked your child about his or her dreams and then sat with mind and ears open to just listen?

Changing the world sometimes starts as simply as making changes at home and admitting our own fallacies.

My change starts now with my own son and wife. What about you? Will you join the challenge?

Who am I?

2010-11-22T05:59:00.000-08:00

Who am I?

I took this picture recently at an OU football game. I don’t know of you have ever had a chance to see the new scoreboard there but the thing is HUGE.

Who am I?

This question struck me as I saw it blazing across the scoreboard. It reminded me of the many times in my life that suddenly I have found myself asking this question.

Who am I?

I have struggled with this most of my life and have actively sought through a variety of methods to answer the question. There have been many hours in prayer asking God and there have been assessments such as Disc and MBTI. (I am an INFP btw)

And yet I find myself asking…

I have finally come to the realization that self-actualization will never happen for me. I am indeed wired to question and to seek. I wish I knew why the Lord wired me this way. Why He chose to give me this driving desire to always question who I am and what His purpose is for me but in the end it does not matter since I am who I am.

Many people experience depression this time of year with the turn to winter, the holidays and of course the sad state of the economy. My prayer this week is that we all will experience a moment of true thankfulness. Don’t worry about who you are, who you were or who you are going to be. For a moment, just pause and be thankful without question.

Have a wonderful Thanksgiving

A fear of flying

2010-09-29T08:40:00.000-07:00

A few years ago a friend of mine decided to build a remote control airplane. My buddy is one of those obsessive go all the way type of guys and wanted to build this thing right. He even went so far as to create a little workshop area in his garage with special lighting and a tall table to make the work easier. I joined him a few times at the RC club airfield to watch others flying these little machines of wonder and to talk excitingly about what it would be like when his own balsa marvel was complete.

Weeks went by and after awhile I kind of forgot about the plane and the whole flying project until one day while at his house I noticed the plane on display in the garage. It looked fantastic with the paint gleaming and every graphic placed just right. I of course asked him, “What is it like to fly it?”

He stumbled a bit as he explained that he had yet to fly the plane and after some deep contemplation had decided he most likely never would.

“What!” I exclaimed.

It turns out that while watching others at the RC field my buddy had seen many crashes and planes ruined. Now after having spent countless hours on his own project he did not want to ruin it by actually flying it for fear of the destruction he was convinced would follow.

I know far too many people that are like my friend with his plane. They take time to plan, ponder and talk about the going to’s. Things in life they are going to accomplish. There are plans for jobs going to be succeeded, relationships going to be built, debt going to be reduced, weight going to be lost, marathons going to be run etc. We know we are capable of flying but the fear of our dreams crashing keep us from taking the chance.

Do you fear soaring to the heights of your capabilities? I believe God intended all of us to achieve great things within who we are. We should not fear failure but instead should embrace it, learn from it and try again.

Fear has kept me from many things in life and I am working to take risks. I pray this week that you too will have the courage get off the display rack and take off. You may surprise yourself with the results.

15 Years Ago Today

2010-09-23T12:43:00.000-07:00

And so it begins

15 years ago today Michelle and I began our journey together as Mr. & Mrs. Copeland. It all started as a set up blind date on my birthday for lunch. Her good friend Jennifer was a co-worker of mine and for months had been telling me about this person I just had to meet. I was always a bit of shy guy when it came to asking girls out so a blind date sounded like a good idea to me.

The years since that lunch date have been better than I ever imagined. Together we have built a rich life full of trials, errors, laughs and most importantly love. One of the most amazing things about these many years is that we do still enjoy each other and believe steadfastly in our future.

On this special day, I just want express my thankfulness to God for the wonderful woman He planned for me even before I was born. I am also thankful to have such a great wife that through it all still is there loving and supporting me. I am indeed a blessed man.

Help yourself to happiness

2010-09-02T08:47:00.000-07:00

Have you seen the latest ad slogan from the good folks at Golden Corral? As a guy that has struggled with weight and self-image due to my weight for most I my life I found the slogan striking.

Help yourself to happiness

Help yourself to happiness—by gorging at an all-you-can eat buffet? Thanks but no thanks Golden Corral.

I have always had a love/hate relationship with food like many of you. First it was a bit of ignorant bliss since I grew up in a traditional Oklahoma chicken fry and mash potato house. I did not understand eating healthy because no one around me was doing it. Finally in college I took the big step to be in control of my health and sought some professional help.

Years later I struggle everyday to make the healthy choice.

I fight lifelong bad habits and a connection with food as comfort when bored or stressed. Of course I am not alone in our obese America. The numbers are terrifying and in reality we as a nation are slowly killing ourselves by not respecting our bodies. Think of it as a long and slow version of suicide that impacts us both physically and mentally. Hard to say but true.

But there is hope!

There is joy to be found in balance and moderation. Don’t diet! Instead choose to make small changes in your lifestyle through healthy eating habits and exercise. You truly will be amazed at the results. Do it for yourself, do it for your family, and do it for your future!

What do you think about the impact of obesity on our country?

What advice do you have for others that are struggling?

Need more inspiration? Read this great blog post from Anna Light. She will get you going for sure.

Thoughts on 13

2010-08-17T08:51:00.000-07:00

Conner turns 13 this week and this birthday is weighing heavily on my heart.

Last weekend on the Scout campout he was put in charge by the Scoutmaster as Senior Patrol Leader (SPL). As he organized and instructed 30 + adults and Scouts I was amazing and wondered “is this really my son” (Scouting is a youth run program and the boys plan and are in charge of everything) I so enjoyed standing afar just watching him as he interacted with everyone.

It is amazing to think that just 12 years ago at this time I was battling cancer with treatments and planning for the worse. At the time my only prayer was to live long enough that he would remember me. My father died when I was very young and I have no memories of him.

Now as he enters the teen years he is becoming more and more his own person and I can see glimpses of the man he will be very soon.

Sitting here today, I am so thankful the Lord chose to give me this time. I want to treasure every moment and be the best father that I am capable of being. I fail so often with this goal and to be honest I wonder why the God chose to heal me when there are so many more worthy people out there that were not so blessed.

Thank you Lord. Thank you for this time, your love for me, my wonderful wife, terrific son and this life.

I hope as you are reading this you will take some time today to reflect on the blessings in your own life. Most of us only get one chance. I happen to be on my second. Take it from me and do not waste a moment of it.

Ten minutes and change

2010-08-12T12:08:00.001-07:00

The weather guy last night said we are losing about 10 minutes of daylight a week now. “A sure sign that fall is coming”. Wow it certainly does not feel like fall outside with the sun blazing and temperatures in the 100’s. He was right though, fall is marching towards us and there is no holding back the inevitability of the new season.

Changes in life and work are a lot like those ten minutes a week. Sure, we have the big wham bam changes but in reality the movement comes in small subtle increments over a long period of time. Pounds lost come in small choices like a salad vs. a cheeseburger at lunch. A broken relationship comes in random negative comments and missed opportunities to uplift one another. We have all heard about not sweating the small stuff but in so many ways it is the small stuff in life that makes the biggest difference over time.

I think for this week I am not going to worry about big things and instead will just focus on the 10.

The best advice this year

2010-07-19T05:57:00.001-07:00

“Take it from a guy with 5 kids. You hope they grow up and move away someday but you want the wife to stay”

This was some great advice a few weeks back from a twitter friend as I was having a bit of an internal debate about taking a trip with just the wife while our son is gone on a trip of his own with Scouts. The son was a little mad that we would consider going on a cool mini-vacation without him. This was not something in his 12 years of life that we have ever done.

The trip idea is to celebrate our 15th year of married. Truly the advice was a wake up reminder to me that yes the time invested with son is of paramount importance. At the same time, the investment in our husband/wife relationship deserves the same attention. After all, it is our intent to spend the rest of our days on earth together.

How many couples focus so much on the kids that when they grow up and leave they are left with no common interests and goals? How many couples after years of kids no longer know how to woo each other and to enjoy time alone?

So as you may have guessed I booked the trip!

What about you?

Do you take time to woo your wife?

Are you seeking opportunities to spend time together and share common interests?
I suggest we do these things now before there is any chance of growing separate and being left to re-learn each other once the children are gone.

Personally, I know great adventures are in store for Michelle and I. The best is yet to come!

Living with the brake on

2010-07-16T05:22:00.000-07:00

I have been working hard this summer to improve my fitness and loose a few pounds. My routine is to alternate between running and cycling. Saturday is my long ride day and I hit the street as soon as there is enough light to ride.

For several weeks the riding did not go so well. My frustrations about this difficulty became so great that I was growing concerned about my health. Was something wrong with me? Why so hard? I thought that my fitness was improving! I bonked so hard on one Saturday ride that I had to give up early and head back to the house with a completion of only 35 miles for the day.

Then one day while passing by my bike in the garage I suddenly for some strange reason gave the back wheel a little spin.

It moved maybe an inch. OOPS!

Turns out that for who knows how long the back brake had been pressed against the wheel. I had been in essence riding with the brake on for weeks.

You can imagine how that next ride went for me after fixing the break. Suddenly I was blazing down the road (well not exactly Lance Armstrong blazing but certainly faster than I had been previously).

It seems like my life is like those rides more often than I would like to admit. I get so frustrated about going slow, not figuring things out or feeling beaten down. Then it turns out more often than not the fix is actually something simple.

A day off
A conversation with an old friend
A change in priorities
An unexpected thank you
Some time alone
A hug from the wife
Time with God

My hope is that during this summer season you can also find that simple solution the release the brake and get your mojo back. See you out there!

Person praise vs. Process praise

2010-07-09T05:55:00.000-07:00

The other day I ran across an interesting study about the effectiveness of person praise vs process praise. Here is a link to the study if you are interested in reading.

In a nutshell, the hypothesis was that children would perform better and would be willing to take on harder tasks if the feedback focused more on strategies and effort (process) vs trait (Person) related feedback.

Think, “Wow Sally! You did great on the exercise! I can tell that you are great person” vs. “Wow Sally! You did great on that exercise. The extra effort you did to study the process involved made a real difference in making you successful”

I have taught this for years at the Situation/Action/Result (SAR) model. Following this simple model while giving feedback is very effective.

Situation:
Sally you knew the test was going to be a hard one didn't you?
Action:
I really appreciate the way you took extra time to study
Result:
You got and A thanks to the extra effort!

An even better technique would be for Sally to tell you the SAR rather then providing it yourself.

This was a good reminder that not only should we praise our children but we should also give specific and detailed reasons behind the praise. How will they repeat the behavior if we do not make sure they know what it was?

This is also good advice for coaching employees BTW.

You are important

2010-06-18T06:39:00.000-07:00

If you have read my blog any at all you might guess that I would have a lot to say about the importance of fathers.

I would like to challenge all the current and future dads out there to take a moment and reflect deeply on your role. You have a generational impact on your family. How will you choose to make use of this responsibility? Will you run away seeking the shinny object in your life? This object could be your career, your hobby, your neighbor’s wife and any of the thousands of other distractions that get men off track.

Chasing the object will never match the importance or the joy you will get from a loving child that is looking to you for leadership and teaching.

The bottom line is that you are important!

Don't believe me? Check out the research

Still don’t believe me? Ask your wife or child’s mother

Still don’t believe me? Look into the eyes of your child and ask him/her

Our children and boys especially are experiencing a crises caused by a lack of positive father leadership.

You don’t have to be a superstar or a perfect person to be a great father!

Just step out and do your best. I think the results might just surprise you.

A father's day perspective

2010-06-16T11:39:00.000-07:00

This is a pretty good video a kid made about growing up without a father in the home and the great work mom has done. It seems appropriate for the week.

Teaching integrity

2010-05-28T05:09:00.000-07:00

The message at church last week was about integrity and it got me thinking about the topic…

On a cold and rainy Saturday a couple of years ago my son and I decided to take in a movie. This is not an unusual thing for us since Saturday’s have traditionally been father/son-days for us. There were few people in the theater and as we walked out of the show I noticed the movie next door to us was about the start.

Suddenly the idea of popping right into another movie sounded like a lot of fun. I quickly made the suggestion and the look of excitement on his face was priceless. When we got in the theater we noticed another dad and his kids had done the same thing.

I don’t remember the movie being particularly good. The enjoyment from my son had to be that we were getting away with seeing two movies for the price of one.

Oops!

Suddenly I realized what I was doing. In a way I was teaching my son that it was ok to steal. Sure it was only movie but the reality was we were there and had not paid for it.

On the way out we stopped at the kiosk outside. Conner of course asked, “What are you doing dad?” I responded by telling him that I was paying for the extra movie we saw because it was the right thing to do. “But no one saw us and we are even out of the theater” Dad—“True son but that is an even a better reason to pay since it is what we do when no one is looking that defines who we really are”

He simply responded by saying “oh” and I did nothing more to drill in the point or make a big deal about paying. In fact, I pretty much forgot about the whole thing.

Now comes the cool part that I will especially not forget. Several weeks later I heard Conner tell a buddy about the day we saw two movies back to back. There was a little bit about the movies of course and then he also made a point to brag about the fact that we had paid for the second movie. Bragging about integrity? I will take that any day.

How often do we as parents miss real opportunities to teach our kids? The fact is we teach everyday with all of our actions. Even the little things we do can send a big message even if we do not realize it at the time.

How to prepare your son for marriage

2010-05-19T07:51:00.001-07:00

As a dad, I have many responsibilities when raising my son. One I take very seriously is preparing him to be a Godly and supportive husband in the future. The fact is: The way I treat my wife today is the way my son most likely will treat his wife in the future. I desire my son to grow up and someday marry an incredible woman that will love support him.

My wife gets this fact too and together we have a somewhat deliberate strategy that luckily comes pretty naturally to us.

Here are a few tips:

1.Love each other in public: Tell her you love her in ear shot of your child. Let him see that you mean it!

2.Compliment when alone: I love complimenting Michelle when she is not around. I tell my son what a wonderful (and beautiful) wife she is and give examples why.

3.Never EVER put down your spouse: Your child is not the person to have a “Your mom is so___” conversation with. Don’t forget there is a difference between being a friend and a parent.

4.Respect her beauty: I just hate to see guys that gawk at other women. This is even worse when done in front of your child. What kind of example is that? Teach him now to appreciate the wonder if what he has and maybe he will not wander in the future.

5.Pray together: When we pray as a family I often thank God for my wife. I give Him specifics as to what makes her so great.

6.Pray for the future: Kind of amazing to think that my son’s future wife is out there somewhere growing up and preparing. I have begun to pray for her already and figure God will help lead the right person his way. (After he graduates college, has a great job, and buys his dad a new Triathlon bike) Okay that was a bit of stretch but I know you understand : )

In the end, only God knows what the future holds for our children. Succeed or fail, I want to know we did everything we could as parents to provide our son the opportunity. The rest is up to Him and him.

Like father—like son

2010-03-31T05:00:00.000-07:00

My son is in the 7th grade this year and more and more is becoming his own person. Glimpses of him as the child he was have become harder to find and as a view of the man he is becoming takes center stage.

There are things about my son’s behavior that irritate me at times and as his parent it is my duty to point out these fallacies much to his chagrin. Such has been the way of the father-son relationship for as long as there have been fathers and sons.

Some fathers unfortunately take this role too far and the relationship eventually falls into a pattern of conflict that can be very hard to break. The pattern of conflict works to create the “Father wound“ and can impact a boy well into manhood.(more on the wound on a later post)

The other day I came to the realization that many of the things I lash out the hardest to Conner about are really inner anger points at me. Sure, part of parenting is to help our children not to repeat our own mistakes and to grow into a better life than we experienced. At the same time, it is just as important we don’t let our personal fallacies get in the way of our children growing into who God intended them to be. Perhaps my weaknesses can grow to be his strengths.

There are many things about myself that I hope Conner will never become. The mirror I see myself in is often filled with doubt, selfishness, fear and pain. Basically it is a mirror filled with a human living in a fallen world just like you and everyone else.

My commitment is to not stop correcting the boundaries since that is a critical part of parenting. I will however make sure to focus on strengths more than weakness and check those three fingers to ensure the finger I am pointing is not just three at me.

As a parent, do you find yourself lashing out really towards your own faults rather than your child’s actual issue? Let me challenge you this next time to really consider the source of your irritation before correction.

2010-03-23T13:42:00.000-07:00

My next door neighbor passed away last week. He was 88 and had lived a long and meaningful life. He was only next to us for a few years but I learned much from this great man.

Fred's bride of 68 years is the sweetest woman you would every meet. A delightful smile, quick to hug, and always cheerful. I can see why a man would love her so much and for so long. Francis also has dementia and most every time we met it was at if we had never met before. The cool part is this meeting with her was always with the joy of meeting a new friend.

Francis "Now remind me who you are again?"

Fred--"Why honey, this is David. He is the young man that lives next door to us"

Not long after this a hug and a hello would follow from Francis.

Throughout any conversation with Francis there were many repeated questions. Each time Fred would lovingly and patiently answer the question as if it were the first time in his life he had been asked. I am sure that when alone most of their conversations were very much like my little time with them. Imagine how many times Fred had to answer the same inquiry. I have no doubt every response was just as full of love as I saw in person.

In this simple gesture, I learned what it really means to love someone not just during the boundless start of life's journey but all the way to the joyful end.

Love is not just about the firsts. It is about the in-betweens and the ends as well.

Thank you Fred for this lesson and thank you for being my neighbor. I will never forget the lesson you taught me through the example you lived.

"We can take it"

2010-03-20T14:49:00.000-07:00

My family recently spent several days at Devil’s Den State Park in Arkansas for some spring break fun. I love taking time off with the family and the planning for our vacation time has always been something I do. It is my thing.

My goal is always low cost, high adventure, and high opportunity for long lasting family memories. This year we chose caving, bouldering and a backpacking hike overnight. This was going to be the second time for my son and the first time for my wife.

The hike was especially a challenge. We backpacked with all gear on our backs including our food, water, tents, and more. I knew it would be long but had not anticipated the hills of western AR. I have done a lot of hard physical things and carrying a 35+ pound pack 9+ miles to our day one campsite was indeed one of the my more difficult experiences. Fortunately (or unfortunately) for my family, the more difficult things get the more enthusiastic I tend to become no matter what I might be feeling inside. My mantra was: “We are building memories!”—“Anyone can do easy stuff!”—“Don’t worry! This is the last hill” (Yes, I am sure there were brief considerations to leave me in the woods)

At the end of the trail we were greeted by this great statue of a CCC worker and the slogan, “We can take it”. That as much as anything could have been our slogan. Yes the hike was hard and yes we could have done something a little more leisurely for our holiday. Instead we decided to take on a real challenge just the three of us.

The moment sitting by the campfire in the glory of the wilderness sharing as a family and then the moment when we stepped off the trail the final day will live on in our family lore for years. To me, the bonding experience of enduring on the trail was simple training for future endurance of other challenges our family will face together. I am sure there are challenges to come beyond just a little hike. Together though, and with a faith in God I know “We can take it”

What about you? Are you being deliberate to prepare your family for adversity? What is your strategy for family bonding and lasting memories?

Can you take it?

What do you do?

2010-02-18T18:19:00.000-08:00

This is a common question that I am sure each of you has been asked many times over the years. Chances are you proudly respond, “I am a _____ for _____” In my case I am a Training Manager for Sprint.

Indeed you are a _____ for _____ and you are oh so much more.

You see there is a big difference between where you work and what you do. We all know where we work but very few people have taken time to deeply consider what they really do.

When people ask me what I do, I surprise many by saying, “I enable the success of others”.

I learned this many years ago in college when I was paying my way through as a janitor. My boss one day posed the question to me and I of course responded, “I am a janitor, I sweep floors, scrub toilets, clean up after babies are born in OB and when accidents happen in the ER” (Go ahead—soak on that image for a bit)

He said all of this was true but in reality my job was to save lives. “Huh?” From there he explained the importance of cleanliness to prevent staph infections and many other horrible things that could be found in the hospital. Next he had me write a little intro statement to explain my role. Oh and yes, those really are pictures of me from back in 1989.

Suddenly, for the first time at work I felt important and needed. I have carried this lesson through to all my jobs and volunteer passion.

As a hospital janitor—“I help save lives”

As a call center agent—“I solve problems and make people happy”

As a wireless sales person—“I help families stay connected, business people make more money, and people find help in times of emergency”

As a trainer and training manager—well you know that one.

The great Martin Luther King Jr. once said, “If a man is called to be a street sweeper, he should sweep streets even as Michelangelo painted, or Beethoven composed music, or Shakespeare wrote poetry. He should sweep streets so well that all the hosts of heaven and earth will pause to say, here lived a great street sweeper who did his job well.”

So let me ask—What do you do?

The Crossover

2010-02-12T13:44:00.000-08:00

During the month of February thousands of 5th grade boys will experience the crossover. This is a traditional Scouting ceremony where a Webelos Scout crosses from Cub Scouts to Boy Scouts.

I had the opportunity to see my first crossover of the year on Monday this week. The symbolism of this event is striking and brings me chills each time I witness it. Yes it is nice ceremony full of tradition. It is also and wonderful rite of passage that symbolizes a passing from childhood and elementary school to adolescence and middle school.

During the ceremony, the boys are led dramatically into the room by older Boy Scouts in Native American regalia from the Order of the Arrow. They are bound together with a rope that has loosely been tied to their wrists. Next they are then presented to the “Chief” who is there to determine their worthiness to leave Cub Scouts and join the brotherhood of Boy Scouts. Before long, the ropes are cut as the speaker says they are no longer bound to their past. In the final step of the ceremony, the boys pass one by one over a bridge and are greeted on the other side by Boy Scouts representing the Troop they have chosen to join.

For thousands of years and in cultures around the world, boys (and girls) have participated in symbolic passages into new stages of life. These rites are missing in most of our American culture and as a father I am working consciously to provide “crossover” opportunities for my son.

The Cub Scout crossover a couple of years back, a father son backpacking trip for “the talk” last spring break and next a week long adventure the summer after his eighth grade year. Each in my mind with a clear and planned objective so he will know things have changed. Something is behind him and now something different is ahead of him.

I wonder how different our world would be if more parents were working to be deliberate in raising their boys to be men. I have no idea what the future will hold for my son. I do know at least that words like honor, integrity, passion and respect will never be strangers to him. Nor will they be strangers to those Cub Scouts who in one brief moment joined together and spoke worlds that if truly lived by all would change the would forever. “On my honor…”

“You have bigger boobs than me”

2010-02-02T20:34:00.000-08:00

“You have bigger boobs than me”

Ouch! This was said to me in jest by a girlfriend of mine back in the spring of 1989 as we were eating a big tray of nachos. I was 21 years old at the time and in my fourth year of college.

I am person that has struggled with my weight as long as I can remember and it seemed no matter what I tried it would just not come off. As a youth, I remember the teasing from the other kids very clearly. I also remember the feeling as I stood there at gym or recess knowing I was going to be the last person to get picked for whatever sport we were being forced to play.

My fear of athletic failure kept me from doing any sports. Exercise was a truly was a stranger to me. Really, up until that moment in 1989 I don’t think my heart had ever risen above 100 BPM unless I was running to grab the last ding dong from the box.

The boob comment for some reason though lit a spark in me. I decided at that moment that I was going to change my life. I was going to learn to eat right and I was going to exercise.

Learning to eat right came from joining a diet program. The company is no longer around but was a lot like weight watchers. I learned through this education that chicken fried steak, fried potatoes, and rolls were not the best choices for meals. (go figure) The greatest lesson was that my previous failures were due to trying to diet vs. just eating right. Once I was no longer on a diet, all the pressure went away and so did the pounds.

Exercising began with a mountain bike from Wal-Mart. I had bike as a kid but other than neighborhood tootling around I had never given it much thought. This mountain bike though over the summer became my primary transportation. I soon realized that I loved the feel of the road under me and I especially loved the feeling of physical strength I was gaining. It was not long before I started hanging out in the local bike shop dreaming of a “real” bike that I could use to join some of the other local riders that I had met.

Over that following summer, I lost over 40 pounds and for the first time in my life gained a physical confidence that I had not experienced before. Since then I have ridden thousands of miles, run 5Ks, 10ks, marathons, duathlons, and even a few triathlons.

I come from a long line of overweight people and it is still a struggle. However, I hate to think of what my health and my weight would be today had I not been struck so hard by the comment and had I not purchased that first cheap bike from Wal-Mart.

What about you? Does the thought of exercise and fitness scare you? Do you think because of your past that you have no future of feeling well, losing weight and getting fit?

Here we are just a few weeks into 2010. Are you ready to change your health for the better? I know with a little work and some well thought out goal setting that you can do it!

Good luck!

Running in Place

2010-01-04T12:21:00.000-08:00

Do you think our grandparents would have imagined we would someday live in a world where we would need to run in place on a motorized belt to get our exercise?

For me, I actually kind of like the treadmill. My feet pounding out a rhythmic THUNK! THUNK! THUNK! THUNK! Sweat dripping like warm salty rain to the floor from my face and arms creating pools of exasperation underneath my temporary kingdom of running content.

However, there was a time when running was for a reason. We ran into battle, we ran away from danger, we ran to the arms of a loved one, we ran to win a grand race. Now we often run just for the sake of running.

The reality of treadmill running is that we can spend hours in the artificial light of that artificial environment running in place. In the end we will still be right where we started.

Of course life can be like this too. We create artificial substitutes for things that once meant much to us. Who needs the sweet sound of a friends’ voice when we can just talk via e-mail, text or twitter? Who needs to deal with the problems of their life when we can just go to the self-help section of the book store and spend $12.00 to find all the answers?

And many of us wonder why our lives seem to stay rutted in today and not moving on to a promising tomorrow. It reminds me of Alice’s experience with the Cheshire Cat in Lewis Carroll’s Alice in Wonderland.

Alice asks the cat, “Would you tell me, please, which way should I walk from here?”
The cat replies, “That depends a good deal on where you want to go.”
Alice responds, “I don’t much care where.”
To which the cat replies, “In that case, it doesn’t matter which way you walk”

Alice would have been a great treadmill person. She could have just stayed right there, ran in place and saved herself a lot of trouble.

What about you? Are you living the treadmill life? Do you leave work every day and feel as if you have done nothing but run in place? Are you moving forward in your faith relationship? What about your family?

The start of a new year and indeed a new decade is as good of an opportunity as any to jump off, run out, and get moving in a new direction. This indeed is my hope and my prayer for all of us in 2010.

Press on!

2009-12-24T06:24:00.000-08:00

Skipping to end

As you may have guessed things worked out for me and my life indeed is a miracle. The final radiation treatment was Christmas Eve 11 years ago today. It is wonderfully symbolic to think I completed my medical salvation on the day before celebrating the birth of the savior of my soul, heart and mind.

I would like to say I am now fully cancer free but the reality is that I do not think I will ever really be free.

Years ago when I going though all the treatments I would often I fall to my knees and ask God “why me?” Now years later I find myself asking the same question but in a different way.

Instead I pray;

“Why me Lord? Why was I healed when there are so many others out there hurting? What lesson(s) do you have for me? What am I to do with this gift?”

The reality if life is that we all should be asking ourselves these questions everyday. Any life we have is a gift and it should be treasured and shared in a positive way with others. The Bible says, “life is no longer than the width of my hand…at best each of us is but a breath” Psalm 39;4-5

My prayer for you is that you will take a moment today to realize the fact of our temporary lives as we wait to move on to our eternal one. Don’t wait for a lump to start living. Your gifts and your impact are way too important to be wasted on any activity that does not bring glory to God and service to others.

I know I am taking my anniversary today as an opportunity to ask the important questions again and as reminder of my overwhelming responsibility to do something with the extra time I have been given.

Merry Christmas

2009-12-23T05:48:00.000-08:00

Note: On 12/24 it will be 11 years since I completed my final cancer treatment. This week I am writing reflectively a bit about my experience.

My chemo treatments were an all day affair at the doctor’s office in his treatment room. Hopefully you have never had to visit one of these rooms. Mine was filled with large recliners set side by side and I was typically by many years the youngest person receiving a treatment. The type of chemo I received was different from the other folks in that I got it all in one long day and I did not lose my hair. The in office treatment was followed by immunotherapy through self administered shots in the evening. I will spare the details only to say the reaction to the interferon was far worse than the chemotherapy.

The miracle here was that the therapy began to shrink the tumors faster and to a smaller size than the Dr’s had believed were possible. Suddenly the prospect of having the tumors surgically removed became an unexpected reality. In this second surgery they would remove the remaining tumors and at the same time all the lymph nodes under my right arm and near the right side of my neck.

Hope was on my radar.

The second surgery—

I will never forget the day we met with the Dr. for the results. The poor guy could not even look me in the eye as he told me the news. Yes they successfully removed the four remaining tumors. Unfortunately, almost all of the nodes removed showed clear signs of cancer.

All I could think was, “this can’t be happening to me” “I have too much left to do” “Why Lord would you have my son grow up having never known his father just as I had? Why! Why! Why!”

I decided right then to no longer ask why or fear my fate. Instead I wrote this credo in my journal:

Dave’s Credo

What I know:
Through the power of Christ, I will be healed;
I have read all the statistics and understand the challenge before me;
This is a battle that cannot be fought alone;
There are people out there who are beating this thing;
I have a wonderful medical team working to help me be well again;
Cancer is a word and not a sentence;
What I plan to do:
Since I have already read the statistics, I will no longer worry about them;
I will work every day to get closer to God so that I may understand this plan for my life;
I will put my health and treatments before work;
I will remember that what is important is to love my family and strive to support them (its really not about me);
I will continue to believe that I will be healed;
I will seek out support from friends and family;
I will work to reduce stress in my life;

This credo indeed was a bit of a turning point for me from an internal attitude point of view. I had decided to move on and live life no matter how long that life may turn out to be.

More to the story with my next and final post on this topic….

2009-12-22T05:36:00.000-08:00

Note: On 12/24 it will be 11 years since I completed my final cancer treatment. This week I am writing reflectively a bit about my experience.

(continued from yesterday)

The early tests and conversations with the medical team were not encouraging. I had five tumors all in my lymph nodes with three under my arm and two near my neck. It is bad to have tumors in two places and so far from the original mole as this meant the cancer had metastasized. Quickly the doctors set out a plan for me that first included surgery to be followed chemotherapy, immunotherapy, surgery again if possible and finally radiation.

My cancer was declared Stage IV. This is not good news for any cancer and especially with Melanoma. The best five year survival rate I could find on the Internet for a stage IV patient was 19% with most sites showing an even smaller % chance to live. For hours I would just stare at my computer screen and read over and over statements like this one:

“Modest progress has been made in the treatment of metastatic melanoma over the past decade. With the advent of high dose interleukin-2 (IL-2), it may be possible for a small number of people to be cured of their disease. Despite this, the average survival in people treated for metastatic disease may be as short as nine months”

CRAP!

Darn you Internet and your vast amounts of information.

There was not only talk of treatments but there was talk of pain management, DNRs, quality of life and planning for the worst case scenario. The Dr. to his credit did not want to give me a worse case date but when forced by me said it could be months.

More to the story with my next post….

My Journey through cancer..

2009-12-21T05:52:00.000-08:00

Note: 12/24 is the 11th anniversary of my final cancer treatment.

I will never forget that morning. I woke up just like any other day and started my normal routine. Little did I know that my life was about to change forever. I was in the shower enjoying a steamy start to another exciting day. Life was good. New job, new house, wonderful wife and a beautiful nine month old son peacefully sleeping in his room. At 31 years old, the world of possibilities was finally opening a door for me.

Then as I washed under my arm I felt it—I pressed hard to confirm it was there and when doing so found a second one. I immediately and without a shadow of doubt in my mind knew what I had discovered--Cancer

I was no stranger to the possibility. It was five years earlier when a mole had been removed from my back and declared melanoma. However, after such a long length of time I had become confident I would not have to deal with this again. Suddenly, and without any forewarning that confidence was gone.

I went on to work without saying anything to my wife and immediately contacted the Dr. for a same day appointment. The look on his face as he felt the lump was all the confirmation I needed. Next he said, “feels like you have three lumps here.” “What about the ones on your neck?” What! Turns out I had three tumors under my arm and two smaller but obvious ones on my neck.

I held it together pretty good until leaving the dr. office. Next stop was the little prayer chapel at church. Here alone and on my knees I asked the obvious why questions. Through the death of my mother just a couple of years earlier I had seen firsthand the slow dying process for those with cancer. Also, through the death of my dad when I was a young child I knew what it was like to grow up without a father. I cared very little for myself even in these first moments. I mostly worried that my son would now have to live the childhood I had lived. It was a childhood with no memories of an earthly father and filled with anger, pain and blame as a result.

More to the story with my next post….

Got gratitude?

2009-11-17T07:12:00.001-08:00

Life is stressful at times and we all flow through general ups and downs of happiness and exasperation. I call my most stressed times “white flag moments”. These are times when I truly feel just like giving up. I have reached the end of my ability and do not think there is any way to move on. The good news is that in these moments I have learned to instead of throwing the flag to open up my Bible. I have also in my deepest moments learned to take time to look over my gratitude list.
What is a gratitude list? (Glad you asked) During times of simple and even great joy over the last several years I have taken just a moment to jot down just a couple of words to describe that moment and what about it made me grateful. I keep this document on my computer and on my phone so that I can access and update at any time. Here are just a few past entries as an example:

The love of my wife
the power of hope
hide and seek with Conner
prayer
The promise of a new day
sunshine
the love of others
friendly people
Lunch with my wife
lunch with old friends
my dog Cayman
friends at work
planes that run late when I need them to
getting home early
Good movies
ice cream
the smell of fresh cut grass
flowers
spring rains
unknown friends
solved problems
long walks
long talks
The feel of dirt
tickles

Each entry represents an actual moment in time for me and the words help trigger the memory that will take me back. After many years, my list has grown to several hundred moments. The funny thing about white flag moments is that sometimes we can get so caught up in them that we forget all the wonderful things in our past and in our present that really make life so joyful.

Do you have a gratitude list? If not, you might want to consider one. It just might make a difference in your life as it has in mine.

Happy Twitterversary to me!

2009-11-11T06:39:00.000-08:00

I realized the other day this is my one year anniversary on Twitter! I had heard about this Twitter thing for months and then when I started reading @scottwilliams blog I became even more convinced that I should check it out. Here I am a year and 2,700+ tweets later! What have I learned?

Twitter is a connector: I have mostly concentrated my following on people who also live here in OKC. I grew up in a small town and these loose connections with people like @dangordan @chefrp @pandabeara @okc_casey @rmphotgraphy @therasor as well as others in a very hard to explain way have helped me feel more connected to my community.

Twitter is selfish: I once described Twitter is a large room filled with people talking about themselves with little concern for the others in the room. This is true for the vast majority of users it seems. These are the folks that follow you for some reason but never take time to DM, RT, @reply or read your blog. I think this is what frustrates me the most.

Twitter is educational: My personal interests are as diverse as the people I follow. Through Twitter I have learned much about restaurants, technology, local events, and much more. I have even created a second account @okcscouter specifically to connect and learn from other Scout volunteers all over the world.

Twitter is a stress reliever: I am not a pretend guru or some guy with a hidden agenda. My timeline of comments and observations are basically a micro reality show into the life of the Copeland family. These connections have especially been helpful when I travel for work. It is nice to have a voice back home when out of town.

Twitter is just plain fun: This is the bottom line for me. I have truly enjoyed the experience and sincerely appreciate everyone I have become connected with over this last year. Thank you for following and for reading.

I am a fraud...

2009-11-02T05:55:00.000-08:00

I am a fraud…

There I said it and it feels so good.

David #1 (the David I desire to be)

Charming, thin, athletic, wonderful husband, greatest dad, Bible reader, friend, listener, prayer warrior, leader, adventurer, mentor, grateful volunteer, joyful giver, difference maker…..

David (the David I seem to be more often)

Overeater, couch potato, distracted husband, impatient father, selfish leader, negative thinker, reluctant giver, life skater….

At least I have good company. Paul says in Romans
“ What I don’t understand about myself is that I decide one way, but then I act another, doing things I absolutely despise.” Later he says, “I’ve tried everything and nothing helps. I’m at the end of my rope. (from The Message)

Gosh his words could be my own. Could they be yours? Do you struggle with the person you are vs. the person you want to be? It seems so often that the desires of our heart do not translate positively into the actions of our hands and feet.

I would love to add another sentence with some grand guru advice on how to solve this conundrum for you and I but have no words to give. My only hope is the same hope that Paul later expresses.

“Is there no one who can do anything for me?” “The answer, thank God is that Jesus Christ can and does”

A new month has arrived and it is time to get my heart working to get my hands and feet moving. I so pray that you will do the same. Even if we fail at times at least we are trying.

How have you solved this problem? How do you get your actions to match your dreams and plans?

A lesson from Conner

2009-10-27T06:59:00.001-07:00

“Hey dad I think I want to play football this year” Conner made this statement to me towards the end of summer. I was quite frankly a little surprised at his sudden decision to play football given that he had never played before and would start right off on the 7th grade team with people that have been playing for several years. I immediately rattled off many reasons to Conner why I thought this was not a good idea. I was mostly worried that he would be so behind the other boys in skill that he would find himself made fun of or would get hurt. Heck, we did not even own a football and had to go buy one for him.

Now here we are many weeks later with the season coming to and end this evening. Conner once again has amazed me with his tenacity and with his positive attitude. Not once did I hear him complain about the workouts, being on the JV team, struggling to learn or really anything else beyond just basic frustrations. Mostly I saw him and the other JV kids especially get the opportunity to become physically stronger, mentally stronger, and get the feel of what it is like to be part of a team.

What an important lesson for me as a Dad and as a leader. How many times in the past have I heard an idea only to push right back and say reasons why it would not work? How many times have I let my own life experiences get in the way of the possibilities of others? Conner has reminded me once again that we will never fail in life if we never try. Turns out we will never succeed either. Thank you son for the wonderful lesson. I am so proud of you

Dude! Do your parents have jobs?

2009-10-19T11:18:00.001-07:00

“Dude! Do your parents have jobs? They seem to be around all the time”

This is perhaps one of my favorite all time quotes from a friend of my son. He asked Conner this one afternoon during a school holiday when he was over to hang out and do other things boys like to do.

My wife and I were both home as we usually are when Conner happens to be out for a day or two from school. Why? We are blessed that Michelle works part time and I am blessed with job that provides way more vacation than I ever seem to be able to use.
More importantly, it is because we know these years with him are fleeting and will be gone soon. We also try to live the mantra that for a child love is spelled TIME as much as it is any other way. We have committed to spend moments with him doing what we can to create positive and lasting memories of us as a family.

(Another favorite quote) “You better enjoy me now Dad before I am a teenager and do not like you anymore”—Conner Copeland; Conner is 12 now by the way.

What about you and your family? Do you go for the quality or the quantity or a little bit of both when it comes to time? What is your T.I.M.E strategy?

Personal Branding Strategy

2009-10-13T10:37:00.000-07:00

What is your personal brand?

The definition of Brand from businessdefinitions.com “Entire process involved in creating a unique name and image for a product (good or service) in the consumers' mind…”

You are unique and there is no other you. Have you ever really thought deeply about this fact? No other person in the world has the exact same skills and capabilities as you. Just as companies like Sprint, Coke, Nike and others market their uniqueness, you as a “product” or “service” should be prepared to market your own value as well through a personal branding strategy. How do you do this? Here are just a few tips:

Step 1: Determine your strengths
Step 2: Make the most of your strengths
Step 3: Market your strengths through results
Step 4: Market your strengths through relationships
Step 4: Grow your strengths through continual learning and experience gathering
Step 5: Create a feedback loop to find out how you are perceived by others so you can adjust

So what is your personal Brand? Are you a product/service that another person would be willing to pay a premium price for? Would a window shopping stranger looking over your performance, professionalism, attitude, leadership and results want to take you off the shelf for a try? Why would this person pick you out of the crowd?
Your personal branding strategy can ultimately make a tremendous difference in your career and your life. Try it with a sincere attitude and you may be amazed at the results.

The Pool

2009-10-07T06:42:00.000-07:00

I recently visited my hometown for a reunion and had the opportunity to visit many of my favorite childhood hangouts. The pool in particular brought back some interesting memories.

I enjoyed the pool except for one object. The high dive. I will never forget that thing. It taunted me every time I went swimming. Down at the shallow end of the pool I would stand and stare at it with awe. It was as tall as any diving board ever erected. The sun gleamed off its light blue surface and somehow seemed to make those who successfully made the climb more beautiful than the rest of us mere mortals.

I could clearly see from my vantage point the excitement of the hero children who flew off the edge of the structure with all the glory of an eagle diving to the surface of some majestic mountain lake to capture its prize for the day. They seemed to live the life of excitement I craved.

Then finally one day I mustard up the courage to make the climb. I was careful not to tell any of my shallow pool friends that this was the time I had chosen to fly. As I stood there at the bottom rung of the ladder I thought how different my life was going to be after conquering the high dive. I would now be among the pool elite. No longer would I be constrained in the shallow depths of my inner fallacies.

So up I went. Step after step. Soon I had made it to the top and walked to the edge of the board. As I looked down, my enthusiasm waned. Now I could see all the way to the bottom of the pool. The dive that just minutes earlier had me nervous about the 15-foot drop suddenly looked more like a 1,000-foot spiral of death.

What to do?! I couldn’t just turn around. By now everyone in the pool was staring at the chubby diving board kid and knew I was nothing but a frightened little boy. Also there were other kids gathered at the bottom just waiting for me to do something. If I failed, everyone would know. I would become the subject of ridicule for all. Stories would be written. Songs would be sung. All would come to know the failure that was David Copeland.

So with all the courage I could muster I jumped.

It was one of the most spectacular belly flops ever performed.

So what happened next? Part of me would like to tell you that I climbed right up that ladder and gave it another try. To tell you the truth, I don’t think I ever jumped again. Within a few years they removed the high dive and took away any chance I would ever have to conquer the blue behemoth.

Have you ever felt this way? Have you ever worked hard to climb the ladder of success or get to the project assignment only to find the view from the top to be more frightening than you imagined?

I have many times and many of my attempts turned into flops. Fortunately, I have begun to learn that when I am faced with these situations I must to give it another try because sometimes it is better to face the pain head or belly on. Walking away only leaves us with feelings of regret. When we return to climb up the latter again, we may find the board to be gone, the project reassigned, or promotion no longer there.

I do not want to miss my opportunities to fly. I want to see the challenge and dive in headfirst. I want to live a life that soars beyond my earthly expectations.

What about you? Would you jump again?

Live Strong!

2009-10-02T10:02:00.000-07:00

Today is Livestrong day. www.livestrong.org

Lance Armstrong and the Livestrong foundation are using this day as an opportunity to increase cancer awareness and to celebrate the lives of those suffering from this disease. This morning I quickly jotted down five things I learned through my cancer experience and have tweeted them as the day went by. These are not in any particular order and are just the tip of what I have learned.

1. Relationships matter most. Relationship with my Lord, my family and others
2. Life is not about me. It is about serving and loving others
3. Pain in life is unavoidable but suffering is optional
4. The greatest joys in life are found in the smallest of moments.
5. Cancer changes you forever—even if you are “free” of the disease it never really leaves you

Are you a cancer survivor or have you been impacted in some way by cancer? If so, what have you learned from the experience?

I believe in you

2009-09-29T11:08:00.001-07:00

"It is amazing what a little belief in a boy can do for him" Jim Oliver

This was a statement in a recent Boy Scout adult leader meeting that was made by one of the participants. Jim is a Scoutmaster and although I had never met him before my guess is that he must be a pretty good one.

Jim gets it. He understands at a deep level the impact those of us that work with youth can have through an action as simple as a belief in the potential of each person. This belief is reflected by how we treat them and how they view us as Adults.

We must talk deeply to understand who they are, how they think, and what they deep down aspire to be.

We must give them the chance to lead and give them the chance to succeed. Along the way don't soften the standards or bend the rules. In fact, hold steadfast to these knowing the achievement is ever more valuable if it was hard.

We must allow and even celebrate failure. Why? Failures are the great teachable moments in life and it is so much easier to correct and change when the teacher says, "Okay you failed. Now what did you learn and what are you going to do differently next time." If they learn this now just imagine how much better they will learn to handle the failures that our bound to come in the future.

We must model in every way the kind of person we hope these youth will grow up to be as adults. This includes our own actions, words and attitudes towards other youth, fellow adult volunteers and parents.

Don't like the kids putting down others? Then stop doing it in front of them. Think some are lazy? Then let them see you out work everyone else. Not happy with negative attitudes? Then throw a smile on even when your day was just a total mess.

Most importantly as Jim points out believe, believe and believe again. You may be the only person this kid will encounter that accepts and believes not just for who he/she is now but also who he/she could be in the future.

Have you ever had someone believe in you when you did not believe in yourself?

Have you personally seen the power of belief change the life of another?

Lessons from 14 years....

2009-09-24T06:53:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was my 14th wedding anniversary. To say every moment of these 14 years have been nothing but sunshine and roses would of course not exactly be true. What I can say is that our one to one conflicts have been very few and mostly my fault when they do happen. I doubt if our 12 year old son has ever seen his mom and dad argue. Much of our marital success is due to our natural easy going style but there are other reasons that I think have made for such an enduring and positive relationship. I could write pages by now but here are just a few:

We started all in: I meet couples all the time in first marriages that keep finances separate. The thought of doing this actually never entered my mind. We are together as one in every way including our finances.

We don’t let the sun go down on our anger: Never let a point of irritation or conflict fester. We talk it out and work it out.

We pray and worship together: Church is an important part of our life and our evening bedtime prayer is a true moment that brings the family together.

We love each other publicly: No we are not one of those gooey PDA type couples that gross you out. However, we do share a little affection every day through word and actions. This is often in front of our son so he can have no doubt as to our commitment and so he can see a model for his own future as a loving spouse.

We praise in public: It just breaks my heart to hear a man or women talk down about his or her spouse. Water cooler talk about “here is what’s wrong with my wife” to me is never appropriate.

We talk about and support each other’s goals: My wife is much better at this than am. I love that she listens without judgment and when I fail (which is often it seems) she just encourages me to try again.

I am far from the husband I want to be and consider our marriage to be a work in progress. I know the future will hold many challenges. I am just incredibly blessed to have such a wonderful partner to walk beside me on the journey of life ahead.

What about you and your marriage? What have been some keys to your success? What are some lessons you have learned from your failures? I would love from you. Leave a comment to share with me and with others.

Some weekend thoughts

2009-09-21T05:42:00.000-07:00

This weekend I spent several minutes watching my neighbor struggle to mow his yard. He would slowly push the mower for a few lines and then after a bit would sit for a break before getting up and going after it again. He has been dealing with cancer now for many months and this once vigorous man is now frail and thin. I could see the exhaustion in his steps and yet I knew he was at the same time feeling very much invigorated by the activity. Part of me wanted to help but I knew better. His family usually mows the yard for him and my guess is this was a moment of determination to prove he could indeed do it himself. That he indeed still is a man. A man that can mow and do other things men do.

I know very little about this neighbor other than he is sick. Hard to believe this when you consider that we have lived across the street from each other now for more than 13 years. I have waved but he seldom waves back. We have invited him and his family over for neighborhood cookouts and they do not come. I really do not know why he chooses not to be friendly but have come to accept it as just the way he is and there are no hard feelings. I will say though that it has not stopped us from loving him. We pray as a family for his health and recovery often. My wonderful wife has taken brownies and other treats over as tokens to let them know we are here and we do care.

As he mows I watch, I remember, and I wonder. Watching has reminded me in a powerful way what a gift every day of life is. It was over 10 years ago when I too was battling cancer and experiencing the challenges Chemo and the prospects of life ending bring. I wonder if I have been worthy of this extra time the Lord has given me. I am human and therefore I seem to fail more often than succeed with my earthly ambitions.

I want to go through life with a step after step determination to keep pressing on hopefully making a difference for someone else sometime along the way. I am sorry for my neighbor and yet and the same time am thankful for the powerful reminder I have been given. It is certainly a wake up call.

What about you? Are you just walking through the day, week, and years? We are ultimately all terminal if you think about it.

A lesson from riding

2009-09-11T14:11:00.000-07:00

My road bike is sick and in the shop. I am hoping for a full recovery. I guess that is why I have been thinking a lot in biking terms these last couple of days. I thought I would share with you a segment of an e-mail I sent to a team member this week talking about teamwork.

(about cycling)

We ride in pacelines with each person taking a turn at the front to “pull” the rest. There is always pressure to:

Take a turn at the front—If you get a reputation as someone who never pulls, the group eventually will call you out for it and not want to ride with you.

Not go to fast—A lot of guys get up front and then just take off. These are the ones who don’t look back to make sure the group is still there. They forget the point of the pull is to take the burden a bit for the rest of the group and not to ride any faster than your slowest rider can handle.

Stay safe in the middle—I broke my arm one time in a race because a dude a few bikes in front of me clipped the tire of the guy in front of him and fell. I T-Boned him in his back and next thing I knew I was in a ditch angry at the incompetence of the guy in front of me.

Don’t get dropped—Once you get out of the line it is almost impossible to catch up since the group is so much faster than the individual.

Cyclists or trainers or managers or any kind of leader —Life is so much better when we are working together for the benefit of all don’t you think?

My Values, My Purpose, My Compelling Vision

2009-09-03T12:01:00.001-07:00

As promised, here is my Value, Purpose and Compelling Vision. I have it posted at my desk along with the photo. The picture serves as a nice reminder that my wife and son are looking up to me as a leader for our family. I can never forget this and must strive to always be a Godly example.

Hopefully you have taken some time to go through this exercise as well. If not, I encourage you to do so soon.

My value list

Closeness to God
Family
Compassion
Adventure
Service
Financial security
Health
Integrity
Learning
Risk

My purpose...

To serve God, serve my family and serve those around me.

My compelling vision statement:

I shall live a life grounded with a sense of integrity and of closeness with my God.
My values along with the Oath, Law and Motto will guide my choices along the way.

In my personal life I shall seek first to be a Godly husband and father and I will value those around me.

In my work life, I am committed to helping others experience success so they in turn will help others succeed.

I indeed understand that this life is but a breath in time and the impact I will have on others in service of Him is the most important impact of all.

Psalm 39:4-5 (New Living Translation)
4 “LORD, remind me how brief my time on earth will be.
Remind me that my days are numbered—
how fleeting my life is.
5 You have made my life no longer than the width of my hand.
My entire lifetime is just a moment to you;
at best, each of us is but a breath.”

Writing your purpose and vision statement

2009-08-31T06:26:00.000-07:00

Your purpose and vision statements are the next step in your walk to define who you are and what your life will stand for. My statements have changed many times over the years as my life circumstances have changed and as I have learned more about the world in general. Don’t worry about the wording or how it may be interpreted by others. These statements are for you.

Steven Covey has been recognized as the personal development pioneer in this area. In his book First Things First, he offers the following three basic elements that must be present in a meaningful personal vision (mission) statement. The first is what you want to be—what character strengths you want to have, what qualities you want to develop. The second is what you want to do—what you want to accomplish, what contributions you want to make. The third is what you want to have—what possessions, money and so forth you wish to have.

My statements are simple and easy to remember. Also, I am not much of “what you want to have” kind of person. Instead, I focus more on who I want to be. What you write is up to you.

Use the following exercise to help you write your statement:

Who you want to be—Imagine it is many years from now. You are walking into a large auditorium filled with excitement. You can tell from the crowd that this must be a ceremony to recognize some young people who are soon to graduate college and begin the great journey of life. At the podium a person appears and gives the introduction to her speech. It goes a little like this; “Ladies and gentleman. I am excited to be with you here today to tell the story of a life. Not just any life. This is story of a life that was lived to its fullest potential.

Today I am not here to tell you my story. Instead, I want to spend the next few minutes telling you the story of my good friend ___________________. To me he/she was a true example of someone who created a life of joy and fulfillment.

What would this speaker say about you?

“I am grateful to have known this person because…”

“My friend’s purpose in life was to…”

“In his personal life, my friend….”

“At work, my friend was known for…”

This exercise is personal by nature and there are many ways to approach it. My best suggestion is to just find a quiet place to be alone with your thoughts and truly reflect on the life you want to live. Share the results with a close friend when you are done and post your value list, purpose statement and vision statement somewhere close by.

I wish you the best and hope you found something about yourself that you may not have known.

David's value list

2009-08-26T08:09:00.000-07:00

Do you know what you value? If you took a few moments yesterday to brainstorm your thoughts you do. Congratulations! Before we move on to writing a purpose statement and a compelling vision statement I thought I would share my own value list.

My value list

Closeness to God
Family
Compassion
Adventure
Service
Financial security
Health
Integrity
Learning
Risk

Articulation of values leads to accountability. Each day I must ask myself, “Are my actions in alignment with my values as well as my Purpose and my Vision?” I often fall short but at least I know what I am striving for.

Share your list today! Post where you can see it! No accountability leads to no action.

What were some of your values? Did they align with your actions?

Creating a value list

2009-08-25T06:44:00.001-07:00

Many times the root of our personal inner conflict is the result of incongruent values. Do your words and thoughts consistently match you actions? Do the people you interact with have similar values? Does your career support or undermine the person you desire to be.

In this sense the things we find valuable are not necessarily material things. Instead you can think of them as emotional states or items that create states. Some possible values may be:

Security
Adventure
Change
Love
Solitude
Reverence
Excitement
Personal growth
Family Time
Creativity
Friendship
Risk
Learning
Recognition
Helping Others

You would not want to take a person who holds solitude as a high personal value to event where this person would have to interact with a large number of people over a long period of time.

For a career, a person who highly values risk and financial rewards would do well in a commission based sales job whereas a person that values security and might not be as happy. This does not mean that the security minded person would not make it as a sales person. Remember, here we are talking about inner value conflicts.

In relationships the person who sees adventure as a high value item may eventually conflict with a spouse prefers life at home. Very few of us bother to ask our potential mate to identify the things they value most in life.

Creating your value list

For the next five minutes brainstorm your own value list. Think about your life and the things that are important to you.

What values do you hold so strong that you will be willing to undergo some pain to keep them?

You may want to have your spouse or significant other complete this same exercise and then compare what you both created.

Afer you complete the exercise, share with us here how it went for you. Any suprises? What were some of your top values?

2009-08-24T06:21:00.001-07:00

“Know who you are and then you will know what to do”

Yet another simple and yet profound statement from Craig Groeschel. Wanting to know who I am and why I do things the way I do has been a quest of mine for many years. I hate to admit it but there have been many moments alone with God asking, “Lord! Why have you made me this way? I know it is for your purpose but please help me to change”

The years have given me the wisdom to know the weaknesses that drive me are in many ways also my strengths. My inner awareness has helped me as a husband, father, and manager. Since I am aware, I can try to avoid situations that place me in a spot of weakness. I can also fill the gaps by surrounding myself with people who may be strong where I am weak.

Craig’s statement this week has some interesting timing. Just a couple of weeks ago I took some time to update my Value List, Purpose Statement, and Vision Statement. These serve as my inner compass as I travel through the day and I have them posted here at my desk. They give me something to strive for and a test for making decisions.

What about you? Have you taken the time to define your values, your purpose, and your vision?

If you have, let me challenge your to share your thoughts about them here with others.

If you have not, let me challenge you to do so this week. I will post a few tips that will perhaps help you along the way starting on Tuesday.

Family Traditions

2009-08-20T06:16:00.000-07:00

I am a big believer traditions and think this is one of the best ways to create true lasting memories for your family. Think about your own past. What do you remember most about growing up? Is it the one time you went to such and such state park or perhaps the Saturday mornings when mom would always rouse you up early for pancakes? Chances are the pancakes are what you remember.
One example from are family is the Happy Birthday banner. (see pictures) We first put this up way back in 1996 and it has become a staple around here ever since. Even the dog gets a banner on her birthday and our house got a mention the day we moved in. It would just not be a birthday without the banner and a picture by the date. Of course the cool thing is also seeing the pictures and how we change over the years.
What about you and your family? Do you have traditions? If so, what are they? Also, what are some of your favorite tradition memories as a child?

Happy 12!

2009-08-18T09:35:00.000-07:00

It is hard to believe that Conner is turning 12 today. It seems like just a blink of an eye ago I was throwing him in the air, changing diapers and taking naps with him cuddled in my arms. Much as changed and everyday I see him growing more and more into his own person. Sometimes I find myself staring at him trying to get a glimpse of the man he is going to be soon. I wonder what he will look like when he’s taller than his mom. I wonder how he will react the first time a girl breaks his heart. I wonder how strong he will be in his walk with God when the temptations of life get thrown at him. Most of all, I wonder if we have done enough as parents to set the early foundation for the challenges of life that is to come for him.

I see a boy that is growing into a young man of intelligence (straight As), character (thank you Scouts), reverence (thank you Lifechurch.TV/Church of the Servant), and good looks (thank you Mrs. Copeland). Really the rest is up to him. There no doubt will be some difficult moments to come soon as the covering of youthful innocence is removed. I am an imperfect father who has made and will make many mistakes. Clearly there is no magic formula for raising a child. My commitment is to be there as best of an example I can be.

Happy Birthday Conner. I hope that no matter what happens in the life to come that you will know how much I love you and believe in the wonderful plan God has for your life. I am honored and blessed to be your dad.

There are Mustangs everywhere

2009-08-12T09:36:00.000-07:00

“My philosophy of life is that if we make up our mind what we are going to make of our lives, then work hard toward that goal, we never lose—somehow we win out….”
Ronald Reagan

A few weeks ago Conner and I were pulling out of the neighborhood and a sparkling new bright yellow Mustang Shelby Cobra passed us by. As men do, we talked about what a fast car that must be and how cool it would be to have a Mustang. Seconds later another Mustang passed by. Soon we approached the stoplight and boom there were two more. I asked Conner to start counting the number of Mustangs we would see for the next few minutes of our trip. I don’t recall the exact end number but it had to be more than twenty.

Conner exclaimed, “these Mustangs are everywhere! Ford must be making a ton of money”. I saw this as great opportunity to teach Conner about the Law of Expectations. Basically the Law of Expectations states that we tend to get what we expect. Conner expected to see Mustangs and suddenly they were everywhere.
I told him it is the same with people. Those who expect others to be good tend to see good in everyone one they meet. This is in stark contrast to the bitter person that thinks negatively of others and sees faults in everyone. This is the type of person that is always trying to be taller by making others smaller.

I owe an attitude of positive expectations to so many great things in my life. I expect people to be good and tend to like most everyone I meet. I have expected to be successful in my daily job and when things seem challenging I tell my co-workers not to worry because things “always work out for me”. No I am not relying on dumb luck it is just things indeed seem to always work out.

How do you look at life? Do you expect the best or are you always looking for a reason to see the worse in people and in situations?

Look at the bright side of things I you might just be surpised at what you find.

I show up

2009-08-11T06:26:00.000-07:00

“The world is run by those who show up”

August is back to school for kids around the country and for many of us it also represents getting back into full gear with volunteerism. My passion is Scouting and I have been serving as an active volunteer since my son joined as a Webelos in the fall of 2006. I can say these years of serving have been a real source of joy in my life. Don’t get me wrong. It is not easy, usually thankless and has involved not only time working with the youth but many days of adult training and behind the scenes work. The BSA has some of the best leader training programs of any non-profit and most of the front line work is done by Volunteers.

When I talk to others about getting involved the typical response is “I don’t have the time” or “I don’t have the skill”.

Don’t have the time?

Whew who does really! Most if the people I know who volunteer are people of great responsibility in their work lives as well as their personal lives. Funny how it seems at times the most effective volunteers are those who are already living some of the busiest lives around. These folks tend to be master planners that have learned over time to prioritize activity around work, family and serving. The key is balance and to not let things get too out of whack in any category. Are you already at soccer anyway every week? Then do some work while you are there! Same goes for your church and other organizations you are frequenting anyway.

Don’t have the skill?
Really this starts with passion and most of the time the skill will come. I have in the past volunteered with great passion in some areas and then quickly realized that it was not a good fit for my personality or skill. This sometimes comes with some disappointment but I have come to realize these times were a kind of training on my way to find my real fit. The key here is to realize soon that you need to move on before getting stuck in a role that does not excite you.

Why do it? The Pareto Principle tells it that 80% of the work in any organization is done by 20% or less of the people. By choosing to be in that 20%, you are enhancing the lives of others and making a difference in this world. Yes, there are people who truly do not have the time. Give these folks the gift of yours. The single moms, struggling family, kids at soccer, seeking visitors at church, and the world will be better because of YOU!

Find something that excites you and get involved!

Tell us your passion. What organization(s) do you volunteer for and why? Maybe your comment will encourage someone to get started.

Time to renew

2009-07-31T12:33:00.000-07:00

I recently had the wonderful opportunity for a full week of vacation with the family. I am a bit of an obsessive time off kind of guy and work to plan as much as a year in advance. We keep our away time simple and relatively cheap. Also, as a lover of the outdoors and adventure, the wife and son can pretty much count on some hiking or other activity that gets us out alone with nature. No TV, no phone, and no contact with the outside world.
Taking this time off is not easy. My job has a lot of responsibility. Since I manage people in multiple locations, there is an element of complexity that needs close attention daily. However important my position might be my team is not curing cancer and no one is going to die if an e-mail goes unread or a question does not get answered for a few days.
I also try hard to empower fully whoever may be my point of contact while I am away to make decisions on my behalf. I tell these folks that I trust their ability and will support any action that may need to be taken in my absence.
I understand fully that this time with Conner and Michelle is an invaluable investment in us as a family. I do not want my son’s childhood memories of dad to be the guy who was always on conference calls or constantly checking e-mail even when supposedly enjoying time off. I see many people doing this and it always breaks my heart.
What about you? When was the last time you stepped away to recharge, renew, and refocus your life? When you are with your family, do you strive to be fully present and shove aside whatever may be going on back at work? I can guarantee you that doing so will indeed improve your life as a spouse, parent and employee. Take some time this week to plan out a way to disconnect so you may in turn reconnect. You will be happy that you did.
Leave a comment and let other’s know what action you take to truly relax with the family.

The first and the last

2009-07-10T06:29:00.000-07:00

July 4th was the first time my son has ever really had the opportunity to shoot off fireworks. In his own words it was “freakin’ awesome”.

I personally relish in the firsts and wish there were more. I remember fondly my first car(see picture), first date with Michelle, first day in our house, first day of Conner’s life, first day of school for Conner, and on and on.

This is in contrast to the lasts. We have many of those in life as well. There was the last time I saw my mother before she died of cancer, the last day of high school, the last day of college, the last day I would see a good friend, the last time Conner would play in a park, the last time he would hold my hand in public, and heck the last time I would not have any gray hair and on and on.

The lesson to me is that we must relish the firsts, the lasts, and every moment in between.

I hope you take some time in the next few days just to stop and enjoy the moment. No matter what you may be doing--that moment will never happen again. It is a first and a last indeed.

Some Fathers Day Thoughts

2009-06-17T19:28:00.000-07:00

I grew up without a dad. My mother and father divorced when I was really young and then he died shortly thereafter. All I have of him are a couple a vague memories and a few faded pictures. There were no times tossing a ball, fishing together, going to camp, talking about girls or any of those father/son things all of my friends seemed to have. To say I grew up bitter about this and angry at God for my predicament would be a bit of an understatement. It seems like I blamed most of my youthful problems on not having this magical person called “Dad” to give me Yoda like guidelines about life.

I was fat. Why? No dad
I was shy with girls. Why? No dad
I was angry inside at the world. Why? No dad
I was angry at God. Why? No dad
And on and on…

The funny thing about the plans God has for our lives is that we don’t understand them at the time but usually it turns out He is preparing us for some greater purpose.

I was fat—Now, I love to run, ride bikes and hike
I was shy with girls—I met the love of my life through a blind date and now have enjoyed a wonderful 13 year start to a lifetime together.
I was angry inside—Now, I hate to see others in emotional pain and have a passion for serving others.
I was angry with God—Now, I know He wired me this way for positive reasons I still seek to understand.

I grew up without a dad—Now, I do all that I am capable to be a good father to my son and to be a good influence to boys/adults I serve in Scouting.

I hope as this Father’s day approaches you will take a moment to look at your gifts as a father and/or as a son. Are you striving to be the best God has wired you to be? Are you growing and learning even as you make mistakes?

Your actions today will impact generations to come. Make the most of it while you can.

Where is Superman?

2009-05-18T15:09:00.000-07:00

My son loved Superman when he was younger. So much in fact that when he turned three several years ago we decided to have a Superman theme party. Let me tell you it was something. We scoured the Internet until we found almost every Superman item we could. Hats, a tablecloth, cups, cake, you name it we bought it. The heck with the college fund.

At the party it was exciting to have the plan come together. All the kids showed up along with the parents. Each had arms full of stuff that I knew I would be tripping over later. His favorite gifts were a pair of bright blue Superman underroos and a cape that a neighbor gave him. I loved watching him run around yelling, “I’m Superman! I’m Superman!”

A few days later we went for a walk. Conner of course insisted on wearing his underoos outfit and a pair of tall black rubber boots. I walked behind him as we traveled through the neighborhood and thought about this fascination that most young children have with superheroes. I can remember being that way myself at one time.

To Conner, he was Superman when he had that costume on. He could do anything! He was faster than a runny nose and able to leap large puddles in a single hop. Unlike most of us adults, he had yet to discover the limits of life. Every day was a learning experience and every moment an adventure to be had. Heck, as the picture shows, he did not even care about walking around the neighborhood in his underwear : )

Conner is eleven now and things are not as easy. Dreams of superpowers are gradually being replaced with the reality of life and of middle school. No more superman or superheroes. His cape has been replaced with the latest brand of clothing that all the other tweens are wearing. His rubber boots replaced with some brand of funky shoes that I have never seen before. Time spent text messaging, hanging out with friends, and swapping notes with girls is gradually replacing the simple joys we used to share together as father and son. Such is the way of life.

I am excited to see him growing up and yet at the same time I am sad to know the kryptonite we all experience as we grow up is waiting for him sometime in the future. My only hope is that his church, his Troop, his mother and I are indeed preparing him with the strength and wisdom to conquer the battles that are to come.

What about you? What are you doing to prepare your family and yourself for the battles of this world? Are you ready?

Lessons from running part 2

2009-05-01T06:51:00.000-07:00

I ran the OKC marathon last week and the conditions were challenging to put it mildly. The wind was blowing at 30+ MPH with high humidity and warm temperatures. As recently as two weeks ago, I was anticipating a finish time that would beat my previous marathon by at least ten minutes. Gosh was I wrong and I ended up finishing 45 minutes behind my goal. I knew I had very little chance of meeting my goal within just a few miles of the run since the feedback from my pace and body was telling me I was going to fail.

By mile 13 when the run turned south into the wind, my mental capacity to keep running was nearing an end. By mile 15, my calves were cramping and every step was a struggle. My goal at this point was to at least be running each time I passed the spectator areas for the benefit of my friends that were watching and for my family. It was suddenly very important to me that my wife and son did not see me walking (failing). I really knew I was going slow when while running next to a cemetery around mile 20 I heard a women say, “On your left” so she could pass me. The pass was inspiring and demoralizing at the same time since she happened to be in a wheelchair.

I was just ready to be done by the time I ran over the finish line five + hours from the start.

Monday morning I was still reeling from the experience and knew at work I would get lots of questions about how the run had gone for me. I arrived at the same time as an employee who is handicapped. Just moving from his car to the front door and then to his wheel chair is a struggle.

As I held the door open for him, I thought how pitiful of a person I am to even for a moment not appreciate the wonderful gift of health I have been given that would allow me to finish a marathon. Who cares about the time? I did finish!

The Lord gave me an important lesson in this moment to appreciate the life of health and happiness he has given me. Yes there will be pain in the steps of my future but I will do my best to move forward with a smile on my face.

What a about you? Do you struggle to sometimes see the positive blessings in your life? How do you get challenges in perspective?

Change your TV and change your life?

2009-04-17T06:39:00.000-07:00

http://www.sharpusa.com/

I recently saw this ad by the Sharp Company and it really got me to thinking. Is life so simple that I could literally change my life by just getting a new TV? Wow that is indeed amazing! Sharp to their credit does not say that your life will change for the better or for the worse. They only say it will change.

Okay Sharp! Last weekend I took your advice and purchased a 19 inch TV to replace the 21 year old unit in our bedroom. Sure, I am too cheap and watch too little TV to have cable in this room but I did nonetheless make the change.

A full week has gone by and for some reason I do not feel any different. I did have really strange sensation a few days ago but it turned out to be a cramp in my foot. I weighed this morning hoping perhaps to see a change there and unfortunately I am still fat. I looked in the mirror to see if perhaps I was somehow better looking and darn it no change there either. Oh well.

Just last night my son was on a phone talking to a friend about TV. I heard him say, “You have a TV in your room? Lucky! My dad says I can never have one in my room.” I was left to imagine the comment that followed by the person he was speaking with. Next to his credit my son was able to explain why. “My dad says when he was a kid he had a TV, phone, and video games in his room. There was never a reason to leave the room and never a reason to interact with the rest of the family as a result. That is why he wants the TV time and the game time to be something we do together”

That’s right son. I have changed my TV (habits at least) and changed my life by finally getting off my butt some 20 years ago and getting outside to exercise and enjoy my life.

Change your TV to OFF and you will indeed change your life.

What about you? Do your kids have TV's in their rooms? Am I nuts here? Share your thoughts.

Lessons from running part 1

2009-04-06T19:02:00.000-07:00

I ran the 10K in a local race called the Redbud classic this weekend for the first time in four years. I love running in group event like this and it was especially fun since my sister-in-law was participating in the 5K as her first ever organized run. A couple of weeks ago I found my results from the previous time I participated and was surprised to see how fast my times had been. My goal for this race was to try and match the time from 2005.

Did I do it? I actually ended up beating my per mile average by 30 seconds and I set a new personal record (PR) for the run. Now thinking back I realize several factors contributed to my surprising personal success.

1. I knew the results of my past attempts
2. I set a goal for my new attempt
3. I had feedback during the run of my progress thanks to a Garmin device that showed pace/average pace/total distance and heart rate
4. I was always working to catch someone in front of me that was going faster (Being more successful)
5. I had overcome adversity by choosing to run even though the conditions were less than ideal (windy and cold)
6. I had fun along the way by encouraging other runners and chatting
7. I knew my family was waiting at the finish line to celebrate my success

This is great lesson for how to handle other challenges both at work and with family.
1. The past results—I do this by writing in a journal weekly
2. The goal—I start every Monday with setting goals for the week
3. Feedback—I make sure that everyone on my team knows I am open to feedback and I proactively seek it from others in conversations and with a 360 twice a year
4. Catching someone—I have always believed there is truly nothing new and I am always seeking people that have succeeded and failed so I can learn from them
5. Adversity—I would not call my self a risk taker by any means but I am making efforts to step out and try new things even if I know it will be difficult or there is a high opportunity for failure.
6. Fun—way too many people I know take life too seriously. Sure work is important but shouldn’t there be some fun along the way? I keep things light and encourage laughter.
7. What I want more than everything is to reach the finish line of life exhausted, worn from giving it all, meet Jesus and have him say, “Well done my faithful son.”

What about you? What are you doing in your life to go for the PR?

Time for "The Talk"

2009-03-13T06:05:00.000-07:00

One of the biggest milestone events for a parent is when time comes for “the talk”. You know, the one that is most likely way more uncomfortable for you as the adult to say than it is for your child to hear. I know most kids grow up never hearing frank advice in the home about sex or about money. This seems odd to me since we are all bombarded daily by almost every medium imaginable about these two topics. I figure it is better my son get the information from mom and dad vs. getting it from his buddy, visa commercial or from that first American Pie movie.

I am breaking new ground personally here since I am in the majority of people who never had this discussed in the home. As a result, I have been planning my talk strategy for quite some time. The battle plan moves to high gear this weekend with a father son overnight backpacking trip. It would seem much manlier to break into this subject on a trail in the woods while doing manly things. If nothing else, this way no one will be around to see my embarrassment and we will be too far out for him to run for the hills.

I am calling this little hike the father-son vision quest part 1. Part two will come in a couple of years during a high adventure event somewhere deep in the middle of nowhere. In addition to “the talk” we are going to spend some time talking about creating a personal vision of who he is and what he stands for. My tools for this will be the Bible and the Scout handbook. By the end of our hike, it is my hope that he will have a written personal vision statement that he will be proud to share. I also hope that he will strengthen his foundational understanding about sex and how God views his responsibility as a man.

What about you parents?

Have you had the talk? Do you spend time with your kids talking about setting a vision and living a life of honor? What key Bible verses did you use that you would recommend to me?

I will let you know how our Talk goes for us. Pray that I will have the right words to share.

2009-03-04T06:34:00.000-08:00

The last several weeks I have been serving the youth at my church on Wednesday nights during a special event known as Big Switch. These nights are loud and raucous with literally hundreds of youth running around. My 11 year old son at first was very much against my serving since this was “his night” to be without mom or dad and have fun. On my part, I felt bad just dropping him off and wanted to find a way to contribute. I am not one of those drop and run kind of parents and I do love working with youth. The deal we worked out was that I would stay as far a way from him as possible during the evening. (We actually had a big laugh about this one together)

The students who participate run the full circle of the social and economic ladder of our community and goodness am I glad to have the teenage years well behind me. I have found the messages presented to be particularly powerful and I get as much or more out them as the kids do.

Two weeks ago the students were asked to write down on a card something they were dealing with that they would like to turn over to God. No names required—just write it down. As volunteers, we were asked to stand at the front of the audience and be available to pray with those kids that wanted it.

Two students approached me for prayer. I was a little overwhelmed to think these kids would have the courage to walk up to a complete stranger and have prayer over their most intimate issue. I chose to not read the card at the time and to instead just pray with the student and uplift the issue together to Jesus. Later when I read what was on the card my heart just broke. The issues were different for each but there was one commonality.

Both had deep pain that was in their mind ultimately being caused by their parent. As a dad, this was just a stark in my face reminder again of the impact I have on the life of my child and how eternally important it is that I do everything I can to be the best possible parent that I am capable of being. Yes I have made a lot of mistakes and I know I will make many more but at least I am out there trying to learn and to improve.

Clearly very few parents have come to this same realization. Most, I will argue operate in the blind spot and have no idea the mistakes they are making and pain they are causing. This pain has potential to be passed down to generations to come. Something has got to change.

Are you a parent?

What are you doing to equip yourself for this ultimate job? Do you have mentor? Do you read books? What is your strategy?

More to come……

You should read this book...

2009-02-19T11:53:00.000-08:00

Have you ever read a book that truly impacts your life at the core? I am talking one of those mountain moving, yes now I understand kind of impacts? Wild at Heart is a book like that for me and many other men I know.

Several months ago I was sitting in an airport and I noticed a man sitting across from me reading a Bible. He looked familiar but I was not sure. It did not take long before he walked over to me and said, “Hey David!”

I then recognized him fully and told him that he just looked so different I had missed him at first. Funny how just having a Bible in his hand had somehow made me not connect this man of the present with the man I knew in the past. Within moments Mike was telling me about his life and the changes he had made over the last few years. He had fully committed to Christ, changed jobs to spend more time with the family outdoors, lost weight, and was working hard to be a better husband as well as a better dad. Wow! This was not the Mike I knew years earlier.

My next question of course was, “What lit you up like this to make so many changes?” Within moments he was telling me about “this book” he had read. I asked, “Let me guess, Wild at Heart?” The look on his face was priceless. I can’t tell you the number of men that I have met in the last few years that have told me how this little book change their lives to heal wounds of childhood and provide direction as fathers. If you are a man and especially if you are raising a boy I highly recommend it.

What about you?

Have you read this book? Did it impact you?

Is there another mountain mover book that you would recommend to men?

I would love to hear from you.

I am a liar...

2009-01-20T07:05:00.000-08:00

“Yes there is no tooth fairy.”

I said these words to my son a couple of years ago as tears flowed down his cheeks. He had been to the dentist a few days before and unknown to us had hid the tooth under his pillow without telling mom and dad as a little test. Over the years, I had always had a “if he asks I will tell” policy about the tooth fairy and about Santa. The problem was that he so steadfastly believed me that there was in his mind no need to ask. After all, why would his parents ever mislead their own son?

Oh there were signs of the trauma to come. Just a few months earlier in the car a boy had asked Conner if he still believed in Santa. The response was, “Of course I do. My dad told me there is a Santa and that means it is true. End of story.” My heart just fell out of my chest in the front seat of the car.

The point my son made about the tooth fairy (and Santa) was sound and unarguable. I started with the line about traditions and about how my mother had told me about the tooth fairy and every parent does it. He responded by saying that was all in good but did not matter. The fact was that HIS dad had lied to him and he had never ever imagined that HIS dad would lie to him. How do you argue that? He was indeed telling the truth and I was indeed a liar.

A funny thing about lying, we all do it at times and for different reasons. I want to be truthful with my son about life and at the same time have an obligation as a parent to shield him from the world when appropriate. Somehow that day I think my credibility went down a notch and in a small way Conner learned that you really cannot completely trust anyone.

What is your take? Where do we draw the line as parents when it comes to lying, tradition and protection?

Are there absolutes or are there times when it is indeed okay to not tell the truth?

I would be interested in your thoughts.

My first month on Twitter

2009-01-14T10:50:00.000-08:00

Okay...

It seems that for more than a year now I have heard comments and references to Twitter. I am an avid Facebook guy and have had a blast over the last several months connecting with friends, sharing updates and sharing pictures. With Facebook, I was amazed at the re-connections I have made and the almost daily contact with many of my more active FB friends. I heard of Twitter but wondered why in the world I would want to use it since the updates on FB seemed to do the same thing.

The final push to start life with Twitter came from a blog post from my pastor Scott Williams. I go to a large church and reading Scott's blog has been a nice way to get in the head so to speak of my pastor and feel like I have a closer insight into the mind of the church staff.

A month has gone by and I now find myself following 92 people and being followed by 68 others. I actually have a relationship or a history with all my "friends" on Facebook. Twitter is different in that I only really know a couple of people that I follow.

So why do I love it so much? Why do I feel so compelled to check it often and see what my "peeps" are doing? Do I just need to get a life? All good questions : ) Heck, now I am even writing a new blog since I seem to be the only person on the planet that is not blogging!

What about you?

Why do you Twitter?

Why should I keep Twittering?

I need your help!