davidNprogress

The time is now Conner is starting his final fall semester of college and will essentially be done with his degree at the end of this semester. The spring will bring his capstone class, graduation and the start of being fully on his own. It is the dream of every parent for their child to grow up and exceed the life they have lived. We want our children to have an amazing life with a good job, a loving family, financial success, adventure, service to the community and a heart for God. I grew up without strong dreams for all of these things and yet somehow ended up blessed to have much of them. Could I have done more and could I have been more? Absolutely! Nonetheless, we have done our best to live our lives as a positive example for our son and fully expect that he will move on to excel in his own way on his own journey. The path to this point has not come without adversity. Conner is a survivor after having experienced the great trama of his cliff accident his senior year ...

Have you ever seen the movie, Gladiator? It is one of my all-time favorites and I have watched it many times. The lead character Maximus is one of those guys every man would wish to be. He is a true man’s man that is willing to die in the name of honor as he seeks to avenge the death of his beloved Emperor and family. My favorite scene in the movie takes place as Maximus is standing in line with the other Gladiators awaiting his first fight in the grand coliseum of Rome. Slowly he rubs some soil in his hands and soon after a terrified man in front of him pees on himself out of fear. There is no fear in the heart of Maximus. Instead, there is a steadfast resolve to face whatever challenge awaits on the other side of the gate. Soon after the epic arena battle has been won the evil Emperor and murderer of his family asks “who are you?” And here is his famous answer : In many ways, I see this as a picture of the battle that is our lives. Every day we are stepping into a...

Imagine you are standing at the end of a washed-out bridge with people blindly driving your way all unaware of the fate that will behold them if they do not change their direction right away. You would, to the best of your ability, do all you could to get them to stop and go another way. As a 50+-year-old genX-debt free-cancer survivor, I feel this way about many topics. Marriage, parenting, health, career, finances are all areas that by this point in life I have learned many lessons. Some through my own great mistakes and many through educated hard work successes. My strongest obsession now for several years is a desire to retire without want. The journey began early in my working life when I first read The Millionaire Next Door. I was at the time single and making less than $25,000. It was amazing to learn at my young age that there is a path to wealth even for the average person.  That seed of hope was small and at the time did not take full root other than to get me ...

Our family spent a few days in Colorado recently and it was wonderful to soak in the cool mountain air and view the beauty that can only be found in the great American west. I have kiddingly said many times that my happy place is on a mountain rock contemplating life. On this trip, however, I took the time to realize that my happy place is really not a place at all. It is a moment. It is a simple time on the couch with my wife talking about our whacky dog. It is a conversation with our college-age son about his current success and plans for the future. It is that moment on the bike side by side with others striving for personal fitness while enjoying some great comradery. It is at work when a new employee shares excitement about starting a job here and what it means for their life. Happy is not a place. It is an ability to recognize the small moments that really make this life worth living and taking time to smile at the moment. As a new week begins, I am challenging myse...

There are many men that when they pass a certain age lose their way. Statistics show that divorce rates and depression for men after 50 are growing with male suicide rates now peaking after 50. Little is known as to the reason why but my best guess is that many men turn to this decade of life, join the empty nest then look around and say, “now what?”. Looking back there were once dreams of big jobs, big houses, big bank accounts, and small waistlines. Instead for many men we look around and find life has not quite turned out as expected. We think “Retirement is coming but I have no plan” “Our child-centered marriage has changed and left my wife and me with little in common” “Our friends were based on our child circle and they have moved on” “The job of my dreams is now just a grind” “The body I see in the mirror is of an old man. The athlete in me is gone” “Now what?”  “Now what?” Most men by nature keep these deep fears to ourselves and avoid sharing. If not addresse...

“If you want to live like no one else tomorrow, you have to live like no one else today” -Dave Ramsey A saw a statistic the other day that said the average American consumer is carrying over $7,000 in credit card debt. The skyrocketing cost of college has also resulted in student loan debt at 44 trillion dollars with an average debt load of $37,172 for each person. These numbers do not include other debt “normal” people carry including a mortgage and a car. Add all of these elements together and you can understand the pressure people are feeling regarding their finances. It seems most folks see debt as just a part of life. “You will always have a car, credit card, and a house payment” Really? Is this statement true? Why! Having been 100% debt free now for four years and I can without a doubt say it does not have to be that way. It is possible to get out of debt and to stay that way. Really, since being out of debt I find it very hard to imagine digging a new hole for my fut...

Many years ago when I was a young man new in the corporate world met a fellow that was just about to retire. I remember he was super old like 55 or something (I am 50 now) and had a plan to hike the Appalachian Trail. I do not recall his position with the company but I am sure it was not an executive-level or anything like that.  Learning that I was a new parent, he decided to give me some advice on how to have a happy career and retire early. He told me a story about a high school friend of his at a recent reunion that had given him a hard time about not having climbed higher on the corporate ladder.  “I congratulated him on his career success and then asked him a few questions”  “How many times have you been married?” The answer was 2 “How many kids do you have?”  The answer was 3 with two from the first marriage and 1 from the current “Do you pay alimony and child support” "Yes" “Do you see your kids every day?”  "No...

If you read my previous post you understand the importance of goal setting to reach success. You must also be committed to joining the 9% club by following through with what you want to achieve. Everyone is different and how you organize your goals needs to be your own but I thought I would share what has worked for me over the years. A key thing to know is that goal setting is not a one-time event. Goals are to be in progress at all times and there is nothing wrong at all with having things that will take years to accomplish. This is why having them in writing and updated regularly will help you. If you need a model for structuring your goal there is always the classic SMART format. S pecific--What do you want? M easurable--How will you know you have achieved it? A ttainable--Is this goal even possible? R elevant--Will the goal make a positive difference for you and/or others? T ime--when will you start, what are milestones along the way and when will y...

The voice--We have all heard it. It comes at us in those moments when we take a new step toward achievement or when we are thinking about taking a risk. For some people, the voice is good and motivational. It tells you that you are worthy of success and that you can meet your goals. For many others, the voice is different and debilitating. “Don’t bother with the diet. You have failed losing weight in the past and this time will be no different” “Don’t go on that blind date. You suck at relationships and are destined to live alone” “Don’t sign up for the run. You have never really exercised before and it is just not possible.” “Don’t go back to school. Your previous educational experience was a struggle and you are not smart enough to succeed.” "There is no point to getting out of debt. You will never be financially free" Your inner voice can get so full of don’ts that eventually it shoves out all the dos leaving you in a pattern of regret. H...

Our first empty nest trip together 2015 was a big year for us as it was the year our son graduated from high school and moved on to college leaving us as empty nesters.  As the time approached my mind was filled with thoughts  about how our life and potentially our relationship would change. Our only child household had in many ways been centered on the life of our son with activities and the joy of having his friends around. There are a lot of marriages that are held together by having the child in the middle. That is a great danger if not handled with care which can lead to couples falling apart after the children have gone. On the other side, there are marriages that post children move into a new season that is full of richness and of new adventure together. It can be the beginning of the best of times together as a couple.  Six months into our empty nest life and our fear of the change has gradually abated. We have grown new relationship habits and co...

The way we connect to information and to each other has been revolutionized over the last several years. This has come about thanks to the advance of mobile communication devices and social sites like Facebook, Twitter, Snapchat, Pinterest, Blogger, Periscope and on and on.  We are socially connected more than ever before in history with our fancy devices fundamentally changing the way we communicate. The sad part is that social automation and other technologies are in many cases not bringing people together. For many, it is instead creating an inverse effect with possible “friends” in the thousands but in reality no real relationships. I am a man. You may be one as well. As men, we are especially at risk to fall into the trap of loneliness and isolation. We are manly men and we are not expected to ever express feelings, show pain or step away from our role of responsibility leading our family from the front into the battles of life. Sure times have changed to soften much ...

August was big for us as our only child left the house to begin a new life in college. This event had loomed for a long time and to be honest I was not really sure of what would be my reaction. Excitement? Depression? Fear? The possibilities were broad and fortunately the realities turned out to be mostly positive for us. His excitement was completely contagious and I could not help but smile on my way home thinking of him back in the dorm room with this great next big step into adulthood. He said he could not wait to ask friends over to see his “place.” The reality is that moving on and growing up is a good thing and being human there is nothing wrong with parents experiencing all the stages of separation that is expected. You name an emotion and I have most likely felt it over these last several weeks as we prepared for the big day. I have tried my best all these years to be the father to my son that I never experienced as a child. I tried to be there for him when ...

Well here we go. It is the start of the senior year for Conner and of course I know it will go by fast. It is almost cliché to talk about how time flies but these 17 years have gone by in a blink of an eye. I am little reflective now thinking back to the parent I have been for him. Regrets? Yes I do have some and can think of many ways I could have been a better father. I do not regret for a moment the choices we made to live our lives centered around being as good of parents we could and supporting our child with time together. Sure, Michelle and I could have thrown everything at climbing the corporate ladder and chasing stuff. The result may have been a bigger house, fancier vacations and newer cars. But at what price for these things?  They mean nothing if it leads to a debt of regret for missed opportunities in the short 18 years we got to spend time with this great guy.  Having lost our father's at young ages, Michelle and I both have fully understood...

Last month our family achieved an important milestone in our lives. We dropped in the mail our final house payment to become 100% debt free! I have to be honest. Much of my obsession over saving and being debt free has been driven by a fear of the future.  What would my family do if the cancer were to come back? What burden would I leave them? How would my son go to college? What happens if I were to lose my job? Sometimes fear can be a good thing if in end the end it brings hope. So how did we get here?  It is far easier than you might think. Don’t buy stuff you can’t afford!               Sounds like common sense doesn't it? Common sense unfortunately is just not common practice for most people.  Key here is having discernment between what you need to have and would like to have. If you don’t have the money just don’t buy it. Pretty simple huh? Live below your means!  Wh...

One of the things you hear marathon runners talk about is “the wall”. This is the moment around mile 20 or so when many people reach that critical point where a physical and mental choice is made. The choice revolves around continuing to run, walking, or for some just plain quitting. I can remember hitting this moment during my fist marathon several years ago. It was somewhere around mile 22 and after three and a half hours of running. It seemed most of the people around me at this point were walking or doing a little run/walk combo. To say we were running at this point was a bit of stretch. Oh how I longed for the pain end and to join the comfort of those who were walking. One cool thing at the Dallas White Rock Marathon is that if you are a first time marathoner you have a different number you wear so that anyone will know you are a first timer.   Here back at the end of the pack there were several of us first timers. As my desire to stop was reaching a cr...

Like many people I know, I avoid shopping at Wal-Mart as much as possible. I loathe the dozens of cashier stations with typically just a small percentage open. I cringe at the thought of using the terrible self-service kiosks that always seem to crash when I use them while gleefully exclaiming, “item not found in bag” when I try to pay. Oh the agony. Then of course there are the people of Wal-Mart. It seems the store brings in a lower class of poorly dressed and equally poorly behaved people shopping in pajamas, house shoes and no bras. Give me the high class folks of Target or a locally owned store any day. Just other day the son and I were forced to shop in Wal-Mart together for an item that could not be found anywhere else. We bravely fought the holiday crowd while at the same time gaining great amusement feeling good about ourselves by making fun of the people in the store. Huh? I was no further away from the store than the parking lot when the whole thing c...

As far as birthdays go there are few more memorable than sixteen. It is more than just a number as it represents a new freedom to roam and a giant step to independence thanks to the all-important driver’s license and access to a vehicle. Conner reached this milestone and began his junior year of high school on the same day last week. That is a pretty good day by any measure. His excitement level reminded me somewhat sadly of those giddy days of old when a $3 Star Wars toy or a pirate birthday party would bring boundless energy of anticipation. I made a point to be home for that moment when with the new freedom card in hand he drove off alone for the first time. Certainly a big part of his childhood was left behind in the driveway as he cruised away music cranked and smile wide. Meanwhile back at home his mother and I shared a hug as we too acknowledged that our lives had at the same time had just changed into a new stage of parenting and of being with each other. Just less tha...

It is hard to believe it has been almost nine months since my last blog post here. I seem to be suffering from a lack of inspiration as a result of extreme work and life busyness. January has somehow suddenly rolled into August and we are just days away from our son turning 16 and starting the first day of his junior year of high school. I started this year with grand ambitions of goals to be met and instead found myself faced with many obstacles that I have yet to determine an effective strategy to overcome. Basically, it became a year that had to be dedicated to work success at a high intensity level requiring hours of extra time. I am thankfully succeeding in this area. Looking back, I do not regret the choices I have made. Looking forward I know that it is time to return to balance and regain control of things through effectively managing priorities. That is my commitment. That is my choice.

In my role as a Scout volunteer, I recently had the chance to learn a little about techniques to use in a crisis situation as part of the Wilderness Survival merit badge. There was something about the STOP model in the training that struck me as valuable for my personal life as well. The point of the discussion was that often when people get lost there is panic which in turn ends up making the situation worse. There are many examples of people that in crises decided to blaze a way out of dangerous situations by panicking and running through the woods. These folks soon find themselves in even more despair, lost and alone. I realize now that I often make this same error as a parent, husband, and manager. Like many others, I see a problem and I want to immediately jump to a solution. Men are notorious about solution jumping when our wives bring a problem. How different might the outcome be however if I simply followed this model instead. S it=Find some time alone in a ...

“The difference between average people and achieving people is their perception of and response to...failure.” ― John Maxwell One of the key traits of successful people is a willingness to fail. There are many people out there that have never failed due to having never taken a risk. They have instead chosen the low road in life. The higher you try to climb the further you may fall after all. The risk taker steps out in front of the crowd to try. She takes the risk, fails, learns and then goes at it again with a new and improved strategy. This concept is known as failing forward and only a few have this great capacity. No one wants to be a failure but there are those who see missteps merely as chances to find new ways to win. Far too many people unfortunately use the fear of failure as an excuse not to try. Perhaps they were a poor student before so the thought of spending money to go back to school brings memories of emotions felt when that “F” arrived.  Ma...