davidNprogress

I met my wife over 26 years ago as a result of a blind date and our 24 year anniversary of marriage was last week. That simple lunchtime together led to more dates, marriage, a child and wonderful life that has had its fair share of ups and downs. Through it all, I have striven to be as good of a partner and a husband as I can. I have often failed to live up to my own standards and have tried to take in my inner lessons to be better with every year. It is almost cliche’ for some guys to joke about having married up but I can tell you for sure that is the case for me. I often feel unworthy of this woman I get to spend my days with and want to ensure I am doing my best to live up to being the man she deserves. This week is the start of our 25th year of marriage and a good time to reflect back on what has made our marriage a success and mistakes I have made along the way. It takes a proactive effort to live a life together that thrives through the grind of day to day living and...

"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world, you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." John 16:33 Life is a series of up and downs and if you are not currently fighting a storm I can assure you that one is on the way. It is easy while in the midst of a difficult time to forget all that we have in life to be thankful. That is one reason that for many years now I have begun most days with a mindset of gratitude. Most mornings and especially on Mondays I make an effort to reflect on the many things I have to be thankful about in my life. How can I have a bad week when there is so much good around me? I try to affirm daily the good in my life and begin my day with thanks for what I have now and the opportunity to have even more in the future. I do this with a prayer thanking God for the present blessings in my life and for the opportunity a new day represents. Doing so only takes a few minutes of quiet ...

Imagine you are standing at the end of a washed-out bridge with people blindly driving your way all unaware of the fate that will behold them if they do not change their direction right away. You would, to the best of your ability, do all you could to get them to stop and go another way. As a 50+-year-old genX-debt free-cancer survivor, I feel this way about many topics. Marriage, parenting, health, career, finances are all areas that by this point in life I have learned many lessons. Some through my own great mistakes and many through educated hard work successes. My strongest obsession now for several years is a desire to retire without want. The journey began early in my working life when I first read The Millionaire Next Door. I was at the time single and making less than $25,000. It was amazing to learn at my young age that there is a path to wealth even for the average person.  That seed of hope was small and at the time did not take full root other than to get me ...

I can still remember that morning as if it were yesterday. I was in the shower as usual and while washing under my arm I felt a lump. After just a few moments of pressing, there was no doubt in my mind what it was. Cancer Cancer was not a stranger to me as I had a mole removed from my back that was melanoma five years before and my mother had passed away recently after several years of her own battle. So strong was my concern, that prior to asking Michelle to marry me I had visited the oncologist to ask about my own risks. He told me at the time not to worry and go live my life. Little did I know that this same doctor would design the battle that was to come in an effort to keep it. I got dressed that morning without saying a word and dropped eight-month-old Conner off at daycare as if nothing was wrong. Next was a call the oncologist and a visit to hear from him. In the exam room the dr. pressed under my arm to confirm the lump was indeed there along with a second s...

Our family spent a few days in Colorado recently and it was wonderful to soak in the cool mountain air and view the beauty that can only be found in the great American west. I have kiddingly said many times that my happy place is on a mountain rock contemplating life. On this trip, however, I took the time to realize that my happy place is really not a place at all. It is a moment. It is a simple time on the couch with my wife talking about our whacky dog. It is a conversation with our college-age son about his current success and plans for the future. It is that moment on the bike side by side with others striving for personal fitness while enjoying some great comradery. It is at work when a new employee shares excitement about starting a job here and what it means for their life. Happy is not a place. It is an ability to recognize the small moments that really make this life worth living and taking time to smile at the moment. As a new week begins, I am challenging myse...

There are many men that when they pass a certain age lose their way. Statistics show that divorce rates and depression for men after 50 are growing with male suicide rates now peaking after 50. Little is known as to the reason why but my best guess is that many men turn to this decade of life, join the empty nest then look around and say, “now what?”. Looking back there were once dreams of big jobs, big houses, big bank accounts, and small waistlines. Instead for many men we look around and find life has not quite turned out as expected. We think “Retirement is coming but I have no plan” “Our child-centered marriage has changed and left my wife and me with little in common” “Our friends were based on our child circle and they have moved on” “The job of my dreams is now just a grind” “The body I see in the mirror is of an old man. The athlete in me is gone” “Now what?”  “Now what?” Most men by nature keep these deep fears to ourselves and avoid sharing. If not addresse...

“If you want to live like no one else tomorrow, you have to live like no one else today” -Dave Ramsey A saw a statistic the other day that said the average American consumer is carrying over $7,000 in credit card debt. The skyrocketing cost of college has also resulted in student loan debt at 44 trillion dollars with an average debt load of $37,172 for each person. These numbers do not include other debt “normal” people carry including a mortgage and a car. Add all of these elements together and you can understand the pressure people are feeling regarding their finances. It seems most folks see debt as just a part of life. “You will always have a car, credit card, and a house payment” Really? Is this statement true? Why! Having been 100% debt free now for four years and I can without a doubt say it does not have to be that way. It is possible to get out of debt and to stay that way. Really, since being out of debt I find it very hard to imagine digging a new hole for my fut...

Many years ago when I was a young man new in the corporate world met a fellow that was just about to retire. I remember he was super old like 55 or something (I am 50 now) and had a plan to hike the Appalachian Trail. I do not recall his position with the company but I am sure it was not an executive-level or anything like that.  Learning that I was a new parent, he decided to give me some advice on how to have a happy career and retire early. He told me a story about a high school friend of his at a recent reunion that had given him a hard time about not having climbed higher on the corporate ladder.  “I congratulated him on his career success and then asked him a few questions”  “How many times have you been married?” The answer was 2 “How many kids do you have?”  The answer was 3 with two from the first marriage and 1 from the current “Do you pay alimony and child support” "Yes" “Do you see your kids every day?”  "No...

I still remember the day I realized that my daily diet coke habit was stealing my retirement dreams. At the time, Coke was running a promotion using a code from a bottle cap to get prizes. You would save your cap, enter the number on a website and points would add up for something fabulous. I kept these caps in a desk drawer and it did not take long for these to really pile up since I had a long time frequent habit of visiting the machine at work several times a day. There was the before work Coke, mid-morning Coke, lunch Coke, mid-afternoon Coke and usually something towards the end of the day. One afternoon I looked at the pile of caps wondered how much in cost that represented. Next, I began to think about cost over time and if I continued this pattern what it would mean in the long term. The final kicker was when I plugged in my average monthly diet coke spending into a savings calculator and considered how much $5 a day applied to retirement could mean if saved for the ne...

If you read my previous post you understand the importance of goal setting to reach success. You must also be committed to joining the 9% club by following through with what you want to achieve. Everyone is different and how you organize your goals needs to be your own but I thought I would share what has worked for me over the years. A key thing to know is that goal setting is not a one-time event. Goals are to be in progress at all times and there is nothing wrong at all with having things that will take years to accomplish. This is why having them in writing and updated regularly will help you. If you need a model for structuring your goal there is always the classic SMART format. S pecific--What do you want? M easurable--How will you know you have achieved it? A ttainable--Is this goal even possible? R elevant--Will the goal make a positive difference for you and/or others? T ime--when will you start, what are milestones along the way and when will y...

The voice--We have all heard it. It comes at us in those moments when we take a new step toward achievement or when we are thinking about taking a risk. For some people, the voice is good and motivational. It tells you that you are worthy of success and that you can meet your goals. For many others, the voice is different and debilitating. “Don’t bother with the diet. You have failed losing weight in the past and this time will be no different” “Don’t go on that blind date. You suck at relationships and are destined to live alone” “Don’t sign up for the run. You have never really exercised before and it is just not possible.” “Don’t go back to school. Your previous educational experience was a struggle and you are not smart enough to succeed.” "There is no point to getting out of debt. You will never be financially free" Your inner voice can get so full of don’ts that eventually it shoves out all the dos leaving you in a pattern of regret. H...

Twenty years ago last week Michelle and I started the amazing journey of marriage together. Just a few years prior to that grand day we had met on a blind date through a mutual friend. Now many years later we are at a beginning again of sorts as we are stepping into life together as empty nesters since our only child has now moved off to college. It is very appropriate in a way to have this anniversary and the transition to a new life together in the same year. These many years have been amazing and full of adventures, joy, heartache, togetherness, challenges learning and most of all love. I can remember clearly in the years leading prior to meeting Michelle wondering if I would ever meet someone that I would marry and spend the rest of my life with. There were times when I thought it would never happen. That simple blind date led me to a person that I had been praying and hoping for all my life.  I relish my time with Michelle. She is the perfect spouse, mother and fr...

I am not much of a TV watcher and it seems when I do take time to flip through the current cable offerings all we seem to have anymore are reality shows. Interestingly, many of the popular shows are about people that have jobs and lives of danger and excitement. Who would have imagined years ago that there would be an audience for shows about fishermen, lumberjacks, Alaska cabin dwellers, and redneck country folks. I spend my day in a cubicle. The overall level of the excitement of reading e-mails, attending conference calls and enduring endless meetings is somewhat lacking. Perhaps I need to star in my own show. “Cubicleman!?” “E-mail Dynasty!?” “Conference calls: The Last Frontier!?” I could set up a GOPRO camera and record every exciting moment. Up at 530! Work by 0700! Lunch at the desk while working! Out by 530! My day would be riveting I am sure for others to observe. Most of these shows are popular because people long to escape their own mundane and steril...

Like many people I know, I avoid shopping at Wal-Mart as much as possible. I loathe the dozens of cashier stations with typically just a small percentage open. I cringe at the thought of using the terrible self-service kiosks that always seem to crash when I use them while gleefully exclaiming, “item not found in bag” when I try to pay. Oh the agony. Then of course there are the people of Wal-Mart. It seems the store brings in a lower class of poorly dressed and equally poorly behaved people shopping in pajamas, house shoes and no bras. Give me the high class folks of Target or a locally owned store any day. Just other day the son and I were forced to shop in Wal-Mart together for an item that could not be found anywhere else. We bravely fought the holiday crowd while at the same time gaining great amusement feeling good about ourselves by making fun of the people in the store. Huh? I was no further away from the store than the parking lot when the whole thing c...

“The world is what we think it is. If we can change our thoughts we can change the world” H.M. Tomlison A funny thing about attitudes is that they are as contagious as colds. We truly tend to catch whichever one we surround ourselves with most. No one is immune. I have often found myself in a circle of negativity fully participating in the downtrodden conversation about how terrible this or that or him or she is. Soon thereafter upon reflection, I often end up feeling a genuine sense of shame that I chose to take part and more importantly chose to enable. There was a day during my chemotherapy that served as perhaps the best reminder. I was sitting quietly in the waiting room before the start of my treatments when the nurse came in to get the gentleman sitting next to me. This guy was in obvious pain, poor health and was well advanced in age. The nurse asked, “How are you today?” Without missing a beat he replied, “Wonderful! My eyes opened this morning and the Lord has bles...

The mountains are calling….. And I must go I love this video from The North Face. Indeed there is something about the mountains and the outdoors that call your soul to return once you have experienced them up front and personal. I am not referencing the mountains seen from a car window or a condo but instead the kind that can only be experienced from a backwoods trail. Hiking summer of 2012 Close my eyes and I can quickly return to a star filled night during the summer of 2012 sitting in a New Mexico mountain meadow in complete silence surrounded by nothing but nature. No machines, no electronics and even no animals. Simply silence. It turns out you can have some pretty good talks with God when there are no distractions in your way and complete evidence of his glory surrounding you. Take such an outing with some youth and you will also be amazed to see the difference hardship, fun and learning while breathing in some clean mountain air will make. It clears the mind and...

Years ago I used to facilitate a course that had a section about attitude. I began the session with a little exercise with the folks in pairs to share a story. The conversation had to be about a plan for the future and for round one no matter what person #1 shared the second person was to respond “ yes but !” “I am really looking forward to the weekend with my family” “ Yes but it looks like it is going to rain all weekend so you will not be able to do much.” “My son is doing great is school right now” “ Yes but you know college is going to be super expensive and most likely he will struggle to get a job when/if he graduates.” The round two response had to be a positive “ yes and ” “I am really looking forward to the weekend with my family” “ Yes and with the rain you could play some really fun board games with great conversations.” “My son is doing great in school right now” “ Yes and that is a terrific indicator of a positive future ahead.” You k...

“The difference between average people and achieving people is their perception of and response to...failure.” ― John Maxwell One of the key traits of successful people is a willingness to fail. There are many people out there that have never failed due to having never taken a risk. They have instead chosen the low road in life. The higher you try to climb the further you may fall after all. The risk taker steps out in front of the crowd to try. She takes the risk, fails, learns and then goes at it again with a new and improved strategy. This concept is known as failing forward and only a few have this great capacity. No one wants to be a failure but there are those who see missteps merely as chances to find new ways to win. Far too many people unfortunately use the fear of failure as an excuse not to try. Perhaps they were a poor student before so the thought of spending money to go back to school brings memories of emotions felt when that “F” arrived.  Ma...