davidNprogress

Many years ago when I was a young man new in the corporate world met a fellow that was just about to retire. I remember he was super old like 55 or something (I am 50 now) and had a plan to hike the Appalachian Trail. I do not recall his position with the company but I am sure it was not an executive-level or anything like that.  Learning that I was a new parent, he decided to give me some advice on how to have a happy career and retire early. He told me a story about a high school friend of his at a recent reunion that had given him a hard time about not having climbed higher on the corporate ladder.  “I congratulated him on his career success and then asked him a few questions”  “How many times have you been married?” The answer was 2 “How many kids do you have?”  The answer was 3 with two from the first marriage and 1 from the current “Do you pay alimony and child support” "Yes" “Do you see your kids every day?”  "No...

If you read my previous post you understand the importance of goal setting to reach success. You must also be committed to joining the 9% club by following through with what you want to achieve. Everyone is different and how you organize your goals needs to be your own but I thought I would share what has worked for me over the years. A key thing to know is that goal setting is not a one-time event. Goals are to be in progress at all times and there is nothing wrong at all with having things that will take years to accomplish. This is why having them in writing and updated regularly will help you. If you need a model for structuring your goal there is always the classic SMART format. S pecific--What do you want? M easurable--How will you know you have achieved it? A ttainable--Is this goal even possible? R elevant--Will the goal make a positive difference for you and/or others? T ime--when will you start, what are milestones along the way and when will y...

Our first empty nest trip together 2015 was a big year for us as it was the year our son graduated from high school and moved on to college leaving us as empty nesters.  As the time approached my mind was filled with thoughts  about how our life and potentially our relationship would change. Our only child household had in many ways been centered on the life of our son with activities and the joy of having his friends around. There are a lot of marriages that are held together by having the child in the middle. That is a great danger if not handled with care which can lead to couples falling apart after the children have gone. On the other side, there are marriages that post children move into a new season that is full of richness and of new adventure together. It can be the beginning of the best of times together as a couple.  Six months into our empty nest life and our fear of the change has gradually abated. We have grown new relationship habits and co...

The way we connect to information and to each other has been revolutionized over the last several years. This has come about thanks to the advance of mobile communication devices and social sites like Facebook, Twitter, Snapchat, Pinterest, Blogger, Periscope and on and on.  We are socially connected more than ever before in history with our fancy devices fundamentally changing the way we communicate. The sad part is that social automation and other technologies are in many cases not bringing people together. For many, it is instead creating an inverse effect with possible “friends” in the thousands but in reality no real relationships. I am a man. You may be one as well. As men, we are especially at risk to fall into the trap of loneliness and isolation. We are manly men and we are not expected to ever express feelings, show pain or step away from our role of responsibility leading our family from the front into the battles of life. Sure times have changed to soften much ...

August was big for us as our only child left the house to begin a new life in college. This event had loomed for a long time and to be honest I was not really sure of what would be my reaction. Excitement? Depression? Fear? The possibilities were broad and fortunately the realities turned out to be mostly positive for us. His excitement was completely contagious and I could not help but smile on my way home thinking of him back in the dorm room with this great next big step into adulthood. He said he could not wait to ask friends over to see his “place.” The reality is that moving on and growing up is a good thing and being human there is nothing wrong with parents experiencing all the stages of separation that is expected. You name an emotion and I have most likely felt it over these last several weeks as we prepared for the big day. I have tried my best all these years to be the father to my son that I never experienced as a child. I tried to be there for him when ...

As years go, 2014 is going to go down as one of my most challenging yet. It began in early January as I stepped on the scale and came to the stark realization that my weight was right at the tip of my limit. The preceding months had been difficult with work experiencing a time of layoffs again and my health being impacted by pain in my knees which in turn had led to a complete lack of exercise and a visit to the cellar off my internal motivation. Looking ahead to the New Year, I knew I had to take control of my life and not let another 12 months go by that I would look into the mirror with regret. I had great optimism knowing the year was set to be full of several wonderful milestones. This was the year we were going to be debt free, experience high adventure in Canada, see the start of Conner’s senior year and begin the transition to being an empty nester. I had no idea at the time that it would bring another layoff at work and a family crisis at a level we had never experienced b...

Well here we go. It is the start of the senior year for Conner and of course I know it will go by fast. It is almost cliché to talk about how time flies but these 17 years have gone by in a blink of an eye. I am little reflective now thinking back to the parent I have been for him. Regrets? Yes I do have some and can think of many ways I could have been a better father. I do not regret for a moment the choices we made to live our lives centered around being as good of parents we could and supporting our child with time together. Sure, Michelle and I could have thrown everything at climbing the corporate ladder and chasing stuff. The result may have been a bigger house, fancier vacations and newer cars. But at what price for these things?  They mean nothing if it leads to a debt of regret for missed opportunities in the short 18 years we got to spend time with this great guy.  Having lost our father's at young ages, Michelle and I both have fully understood...

“I am so sorry. I was off a few days on vacation with my family and did not keep up with e-mail.” This was the opening comment from a manager I met with recently. Later in the day while in another meeting I asked a manager peer about her recent time off. Me—“How was your vacation?” Person—“Good but I did not do any work!” “I am so behind!” Such is the life of exempt level employees and especially managers. We find ways to leave work but work never leaves us. Our competitive work culture creates added pressure as time away can mean missed opportunities to contribute to key projects. This can lead to a perception of low value which in turn later can lead you to being the person selected for the next layoff. Not necessarily true but that is what many people think as they ponder time away from work. Now let’s add to all of this the new hyper connected world we live in. Thanks to phones and tablets we are now connected to work 24x7. There is no excuse at all to mi...

You always have some students who say, ‘I don’t want to go to college; But they don’t realize whatever it is in life, they need to go to college for it.” Martin Copland (no relation to me) This is a quote I read recently in an article about plans to encourage more students to attend college out of high school. The quote was from a high school guidance counselor. First as a parent of a high school junior I want to make it very clear that we strongly believe the path to our son’s lifelong career success will pass through college. We are blessed that he already has decided his future career and is working now to ensure he is gaining skills that will help him in college and beyond. I also understand and recognize that the evidence clearly shows that college graduates over a lifetime will have a higher income and experience many other benefits. With all of this in mind, I nonetheless could not help but get angry over the quote. I just hate to think of the poor kid with ...

Last month our family achieved an important milestone in our lives. We dropped in the mail our final house payment to become 100% debt free! I have to be honest. Much of my obsession over saving and being debt free has been driven by a fear of the future.  What would my family do if the cancer were to come back? What burden would I leave them? How would my son go to college? What happens if I were to lose my job? Sometimes fear can be a good thing if in end the end it brings hope. So how did we get here?  It is far easier than you might think. Don’t buy stuff you can’t afford!               Sounds like common sense doesn't it? Common sense unfortunately is just not common practice for most people.  Key here is having discernment between what you need to have and would like to have. If you don’t have the money just don’t buy it. Pretty simple huh? Live below your means!  Wh...

One of the things you hear marathon runners talk about is “the wall”. This is the moment around mile 20 or so when many people reach that critical point where a physical and mental choice is made. The choice revolves around continuing to run, walking, or for some just plain quitting. I can remember hitting this moment during my fist marathon several years ago. It was somewhere around mile 22 and after three and a half hours of running. It seemed most of the people around me at this point were walking or doing a little run/walk combo. To say we were running at this point was a bit of stretch. Oh how I longed for the pain end and to join the comfort of those who were walking. One cool thing at the Dallas White Rock Marathon is that if you are a first time marathoner you have a different number you wear so that anyone will know you are a first timer.   Here back at the end of the pack there were several of us first timers. As my desire to stop was reaching a cr...

Hello my name is….. Regret, stupid, mistake, loser, ugly, fat, defeat For many people the labels we wear in our hearts about who or what we think we really are can be completely debilitating. Many are self-created for no real reason at all while others are the result of false assessments placed on us through the ignorance and meanness of others. I am 46 yet in my head on bad day I can see very clearly the time as a second or third grader when in a moment of self defeat I etched “dummie” on  a brick outside the west side of our house. That moment and that word haunted me for years as not only did it continue to echo in my head but later I realized it would not come off the brick. I had created a false label.  I think we all do this. We etch labels so deeply in our hearts that we just can’t seem to remove them. Then for some to feel better they transfer these labels to others in an effort to feel better.  I know way too many people that hate themselves an...

Like many people I know, I avoid shopping at Wal-Mart as much as possible. I loathe the dozens of cashier stations with typically just a small percentage open. I cringe at the thought of using the terrible self-service kiosks that always seem to crash when I use them while gleefully exclaiming, “item not found in bag” when I try to pay. Oh the agony. Then of course there are the people of Wal-Mart. It seems the store brings in a lower class of poorly dressed and equally poorly behaved people shopping in pajamas, house shoes and no bras. Give me the high class folks of Target or a locally owned store any day. Just other day the son and I were forced to shop in Wal-Mart together for an item that could not be found anywhere else. We bravely fought the holiday crowd while at the same time gaining great amusement feeling good about ourselves by making fun of the people in the store. Huh? I was no further away from the store than the parking lot when the whole thing c...

Conner is 16 now and it seems lately I have been thinking more and more about his future. What kind of man will he be? How will he do in college? Will his dream of becoming a petroleum engineer come true? Will he go on to have a big house, nice car and fat bank account? That stuff is all well and good but the bottom line really is that I just want him to be a Godly man and happy person no matter what path he takes to get there. I also hope that he is blessed to find a great woman to be his wife and partner through life’s journey. It is kind of surreal to think that his future wife is out there now. This week she will go to class, hang out with friends and I am sure spend a bunch of time texting. She is also daily making choices and developing relationship skills that will impact her and Conner’s future. The teen years are the most formative in determining who we become in the future. Right now she is learning what it means to be part of a family.   Her parents could be marri...

Have you ever fallen into the frequency trap? So much of life is a simple matter of routine. Same drive to work. Same people surrounding you. Same church on Sunday, Same chicken dinner every Tuesday and on and on and on it goes. Frequency creates numbness to our surroundings and often to our life. To break free, many people end up seeking a rush hoping to escape and find excitement. This can be positive with goals to learn new skills, go on a special trip, try that food that cannot be pronounced, start that devotional, go for that dream job. Of course there are unhealthy ways to break out that often lead to debt, distress and even divorce. Getting un-numb productively takes work but most of all takes awareness. It seems too often that we take for granted those things that are frequent. The seemingly mundane can be our best window to happiness if we simply take a moment to realize these are the moments that truly make our lives meaningful. There is no need to go jump out of a pla...

As far as birthdays go there are few more memorable than sixteen. It is more than just a number as it represents a new freedom to roam and a giant step to independence thanks to the all-important driver’s license and access to a vehicle. Conner reached this milestone and began his junior year of high school on the same day last week. That is a pretty good day by any measure. His excitement level reminded me somewhat sadly of those giddy days of old when a $3 Star Wars toy or a pirate birthday party would bring boundless energy of anticipation. I made a point to be home for that moment when with the new freedom card in hand he drove off alone for the first time. Certainly a big part of his childhood was left behind in the driveway as he cruised away music cranked and smile wide. Meanwhile back at home his mother and I shared a hug as we too acknowledged that our lives had at the same time had just changed into a new stage of parenting and of being with each other. Just less tha...

It is hard to believe it has been almost nine months since my last blog post here. I seem to be suffering from a lack of inspiration as a result of extreme work and life busyness. January has somehow suddenly rolled into August and we are just days away from our son turning 16 and starting the first day of his junior year of high school. I started this year with grand ambitions of goals to be met and instead found myself faced with many obstacles that I have yet to determine an effective strategy to overcome. Basically, it became a year that had to be dedicated to work success at a high intensity level requiring hours of extra time. I am thankfully succeeding in this area. Looking back, I do not regret the choices I have made. Looking forward I know that it is time to return to balance and regain control of things through effectively managing priorities. That is my commitment. That is my choice.

The holidays are here and many people will take end of the year vacation time away from work to be with family and friends. My company has a use it or lose it policy and I have several peers that are taking days and still losing time. I know that many folks that are technically off will still find themselves working every day by responding to e-mails, attending meetings and checking performance numbers. Managers are important people with many others depending upon them. At the same time, I think there is no more important job than that of a mother, father, grandfather, grandmother, brother, sister and friend. Jobs are temporary but your family should be forever. It took me a long time to learn this lesson and realize that it was hurting my family and ultimately my performance at work by not truly disconnecting from time to time. Here are some ideas that have worked for me: • Chose a POC to be in your place when gone. This requires empowering the person to make any needed dec...

“If you learn unhappiness too well you will get good at it”  David after 11 days on the trail  This is a great slap in the face quote I heard recently from one of my favorite podcasters. The point was that the more time we spend unhappy then the more we will become comfortable with it. I went on an 11 day hiking trip this summer and one of the rules was that we were not allowed to wear deodorant due to it being a smellable that could potentially attract bears. I wondered before the trip if an attack from a bear would be better than the smell of a group of unwashed and un-deodorized teen boys. Whew! I realized on the trail this was not going to be a problem since we very quickly got used to our own smells and soon none of us noticed the stink. Things changed quickly however upon my return home when suddenly the smells that had surrounded me without notice attacked the senses much like a rampaging bear. Of course much of this was due to the equally powerful remarks from my ...

I am turning 45 in a couple of weeks and that has put me in a bit of a reflective mood I guess. It really did not help that one of my magazines had an article this month about starting the second half of your life at 45. Next while checking my Roth this week realized I am only 15 years away from 60! I know there is a midlife crises phenomenon that many people experience around this time as they seek to create new achievements or to return to old glory days. Funny thing is that I happen to think I am living my glory days right now with more to come in the future. I have a great job, loving wife (beautiful too BTW), amazing teenage son, and a full plate of volunteer work with kids that help make life fun. There are many great days behind me and I am sure there are even better days ahead. For sure there are big changes with our son soon off to college and a new stage in our married life as empty nesters. I am excited about the future and genuinely thankful to wake up to a new day ...